Homestuck: Truth or Dare (we're all sick of this game)
by eridanisnotonfire
Summary: A fanfic where you can send in Truth or Dares to the characters of Homestuck! (Otherwise known as the biggest cliche known to the fandom to which you can send your shitty OTP dreams to the characters of Homestuck, all of which who have been imprisoned in a large house for several months by an insane Eridan fangirl.)
1. Introductory Tomfoolery

The scene opens in front of a beautiful three story victorian house that has been repainted blue and white. Tall yellow flowers are planted in beds on either side of the porch and a large teleporter sits in the middle of the neatly mowed lawn.

A girl with long blonde hair, her bangs dyed deep purple, and large bright green eyes and freckles strides over to the machine. In her hands is a white laptop that has been decorated with Aquarius signs and pictures of Eridan almost obsessively. Without turning her eyes away from the bright screen, she flips a lever on the side of the teleporter.

A blinding blast of cerulean light explodes from the center of the teleporter. When the area is finally visible again we see 12 trolls and 4 humans standing in the teleporter looking around curiously.

Author: hello! *waves excitedly*

Vriska: *rolling her eyes* Juuuuuuusssstttt gr8. Another one of these stupid things. Isn't this a bit of a cliche now? We've been to-what? Like, eight or nine of these just in the past sweep?

*exclamations of agreement can be heard amongst the crowd.*

Eridan: wwait.

Eridan: wwhat's that on your hivvetop?

Author: *creepy giggle*

Sollux: wow E.D, we fiinally found 2omeone a2 creepy a2 you

Eridan: hey!

Eridan: wwell...I like her hair anywways

Author: *gasp* THANK YOU! That means a lot to me Eridan.

Sollux: thii2 ii2 2tupiid

*the crowd has dispersed and is now looking around the grounds as if this is typical...which it is*

Author: anyways, we can't start yet because we don't have any Truths or Dares...so i'll just set up the rules.

Karkat: THERE BETTER BE A RULE ABOUT NOT GIVING ME STUPID DARES THIS TIME. SERIOUSLY.

Author: right. please keep dares for Karkat not too ridiculous. As much as I love to watch him be tortured, he's been through enough.

Karkat: THANK YOU!

Author: The second rule is that you can only send up to five Truths OR Dares per review. I'm not featuring huge long reviews with big lists of dares, and anyways, Truths and Dares tend to go down in quality the more of them are written at the same time and I don't really want to make you guys do anything completely ridiculous.

*sighs of relief*

Author: the third rule is that you should keep obscene material out of your Dares...okay...you can HAVE buckets in the dares but they can't be USED in the Dares...

Karkat: SUGGESTIVE!

Author: oh-right...that may have been a bit too detailed-

Eridan: _I _didn't think it wwas too detailed..

Karkat: *glare*

Author: as I was saying, I want to keep this rated T, so any suggestive material will have to be excluded from the ToD list.

And without further ado, lets get to the Truth or Dares! *looking at the group*

You guys can crash on the second and third floors.

Everyone exits, trudging off and grumbling to eachother.

**- UPDATE-**

**No singing dares. You can dare the group to listen to songs, but please do not make characters SING songs.**

**No dares that last for a specific part of the chapter that will keep characters preoccupied so they cannot do other dares.**

**Send me your cameos! I have already included Broadway Karkat, C3PO and R2D2, and...a certain three colorful ponies. I can't say for sure whether I will (be able to) include them or not, or if I will keep them around for ToD's. What I _can _say is that they will be there, and you will have the satisfaction of knowing that you have added them to the story. :D**


	2. The Beginning of Torture

**((Authors Note: before I begin I would just like to recognize the several comments made about the Karkat rule in a lot of your reviews. **

**The rule was made more for a comedic shoutout to other ToD fanfics than anything else. And I never meant to scare anyone away from using their best Karkat dares. All I meant was that I didn't want it to escalate to the point where all I have are Karkat dares. I simply didn't want it all to become too tortuous for him. So if you have some really good Karkat Truths or Dares, go right ahead! I'm sure they won't be too ridiculous. But please, no crab costumes. That is WAY overdone. (pfft. Says the girl writing a Truth or Dare fic.) ))**

The scene opens very early in the morning. The sun has just begun to rise and John Egbert, floating just above Karkat's sleeping head stifles a snicker as he holds a bright blue mp3 player just centimeters from his ear. John pressed the on button and the screen lit up. He pressed the play button with his finger.

Karkat awoke with a start as a loud rock song blasted into his ear.

Karkat: JOHN YOU FUCKING BASTARD!

John: *dying of laughter on the ground*

Karkat got to his feet and turned off the mp3 player.

Karkat: WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?

John: heheheheheheheh

John: I had to break in some of my new prank ideas...and you were SO vulnerable!

Karkat: *hits him in the head with a pillow*

Dave: *yawning and grumbling with his eyes closed* what are you idiots doing?

Author: *yelling from the kitchen downstairs* John! Dave! Karkat! Get down here!

The three trudged down the stairs to the kitchen, Dave still half asleep and Karkat giving John a death stare.

Soft light poured in through the windows. Several people were sitting around a circular table. Eridan sat on the floor alone in the corner, and many people were also sitting in random spots on the counter. Nepeta and Equius waited patiently on the window seat. The Author stared at her computer screen, occasionally scrolling down using the finger pad or clicking down on one of the buttons.

Author: *smiling brightly* did you all sleep well?

Karkat: *grumbling* I _WAS _UNTIL THIS ONE BLASTED SOME DUMBASS HUMAN MUSIC IN MY EAR.

John: *shrugging blankly* seemed like a good idea to me.

Author: …

Author: well, i'm glad _most _of you are well rested. We have a lot of dares ahead of us.

Eridan: wwhy did you havve to do this in the _mornin?_

Author: well, I out-ruled torturing Karkat and my torture meter was running dangerously low, so I had to do SOMETHING.

Feferi: c)(-E-Er up -Eridan! I'm shore this will all b-E r-E-Ely -EXCITING!

Eridan: yeah, suuuuuurrrrreeeee *yawning*

Author: okay...our first set of Truths and Dares is from Deranged Shadow Fangirl...wait a minute. Didn't you comment on my fanfiction?

Dave: you write _fanfiction?_ pfft. *under his breath* nerd.

Karkat: YOU WERE WRITING FANFICTION ABOUT US?

Author: yeah.

Karkat: WHO ABOUT?

Author: *mumbling* erisol.

John: what?

Author: OK! Moving on to the Dares! heheh.

**TRUTHS AND DARES**

**Author: Are anvils allowed in the dares?**

**John: What's the best prank you've EVER pulled?**

**Dave: *hands you a cooler full of apple juice* Go wild, my fellow Houstanian. Go wild. **

**Karkat: Um, could you give Nepeta a kiss? Please? It would mean a LOT to me. **

**John: Take a picture of Karkat kissing Nepeta, and then give me a copy. **

**~Deranged Shadow Fangirl**

Author: Yes. I would say anvils _are _allowed in the dares...I just hope I haven't written you all a death sentence by saying that... O_O

Author: John, this next one is for you...um...what's the best prank you've EVER pulled?

John: heheheheheheh...I pulled a _pretty _good one this morning ;D

Karkat: IF BY PRETTY GOOD YOU MEAN THAT IT BLASTED OUT MY FUCKING EAR DRUMS, THEN YES. THAT _WAS _"PRETTY GOOD".

Author: next! um... *holding up a package that she has received in the mail* It looks like someone sent you something Dave...apparently a "cooler full of apple juice"

Dave: *takes the package* hm. *pulls off sticky note, then reads it and a wild smile spreads across his face*

Dave runs off and locks himself in a closet.

Author: Uh, Karkat? Could you come here a second?

Karkat: YEAH... *walks over*

Author: *whispers something in his ear*

Karkat: ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?! DO YOU PEOPLE HATE ME OR SOMETHING?

Author: it _was _a dare.

Author: oh yeah and John, you have to take a picture. *hands him a small purple digital camera*

Eridan: WWHAT is this obsession wwith the color purple?

Author: *ignores completely*

Karkat: UGH. FOR THE RECORD, THIS HAS ABSOLUTELY NO VALUE AND CANNOT BE HELD AGAINST ME, CONSIDERING THIS IS A DARE.

Karkat: …

AND ON THE OFF CHANCE THAT A CERTAIN PERSON IN THIS ROOM WHOM I WILL NOT NAME IS CONSIDERING TAKING ME BACK...THIS MEANS NOTHING.

Karkat: *walks over to Nepeta and kisses her quickly on the cheek*

John: *quickly snaps the picture*

Author: i'll be sure to get those developed ;)

After the fact that Karkat has just kissed her sinks into her brain, Nepeta's face flushes light green and she falls over sideways into Equius' lap, her eyes and mouth wide open in happy surprise.

Author: *returning from the printing room* Let's move on! This next set is from livvykitty...who appears to have some questions for me?

**Hello, young author! This is an experienced ToD writer saying congrats! I must**

**know, though: What animes, shows, comics or movies are you a fan of? I myself**

**love all the dear trolls here and the movie Pitch Perfect. :3 Also, favorite**

**Homestuck pairings?**

**Ahem...**

**Dave: Since Karkles can't be dared to do anything too ridiculous, you will be**

**my target! You must take off your shades and ride Maplehoof while wearing a**

**skirt with the My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic theme playing in the**

**background.**

**Davesprite: How much do you miss your legs?**

**John: Allow Karkat to use you as a servant. :)**

**Karkat: If I had, say, tickets to see Troll Will Smith in concert, would you**

**want them?**

**Welp, good luck!**

**~livvykitty**

Author: Well hello to you to livvykitty! Thank you for reading my ToD fanfic! To answer your questions, I like Sol *soul Eater **((shit.))** , Sergeant Frog, and Squid Girl. I like Gravity Falls a lot as well as MLP FiM and of COURSE we all know what my favorite COMIC is... I don't really have favorite movies because so many movies are so good, but I enjoyed all the Harry Potter movies **(( high five Rose!))** and my favorite Homestuck pairings are NepQuius, GamTav, erm...Karezi and...um... erisol. **((later I realized that my favorite movie is Groundhog Day, I just forgot. But I also really love the Avengers...yeah.))**

Sollux: waiit-WHAT?!

Eridan: hold up!

Author: SO with that out of the way- onto the dares!

Eridan: hey, hold on!

Author: NO. Shut up, fish boy.

Eridan: *looks slightly disturbed by this nickname*

Author: alright...I _would _start from the top of the list, but Dave is still locked in the closet...so I'll begin with one for Davesprite...who I apparently recently appearified without notifying anyone. **((YOU DUMB SHIT HE'S NOT PART OF THE CAST!...*angelic smile*))**

Davesprite: caw.

Author: so, Davesprite, how much DO you miss your legs?

Davesprite: *shrugs, looking pretty cool*

Author: *clapping, pretending to wipe away a tear* LET'S GIVE IT UP FOR DAVESPRITE WOW SO INSPIRATIONAL.

Davesprite floats outside.

Author: John, this next one is for you...allow Karkat to use you as his personal servant.

Karkat: *evil grin*

John: Are you KIDDING me?!

Author: nope. sorry John. *pats on back*

Author: and now for Karkat...-uh, what are you doing?

Kanaya circles around John, tailoring him for a butlers suit, while he stands blankly, looking very depressed.

John: *sigh*

Author: okaaaaaaayyy...? Karkat, livvykitty wants to know...if she had, say, tickets to see Troll Will Smith in concert..would you want them?

Karkat: YES. OF COURSE I WOULD TOTALLY FUCKING WANT THEM IF HE HADN'T BEEN BLOWN TO PIECES ALONG WITH EVERYTHING ELSE ON OUR STUPID FUCKING PLANET. BUT EVEN IF HE WAS STILL ALIVE AND TRAVELING ON THE METEOR WITH US, I MIGHT JUST HAVE TO DECLINE YOUR OFFER, CONSIDERING I HAVE A LOT MORE IMPORTANT THINGS TO BE THINKING ABOUT AND...DOING AND...JUST- I DON'T EVEN KNOW IF I WOULD HAVE THE TIME FOR THAT IN OUR CURRENT SITUATION...SO..I DUNNO...I GUESS IT JUST DEPENDS.

Author: …

Dave: *slams the door to the closet and drops the empty cooler on the ground, wiping sticky apple juice from his mouth* That. was the best 10 minutes of my life. THANK YOU.

Author: DAVE! We have a dare for you! um...*scrolling down screen with mouse pad* livvykitty wants you to know that since Karkat is not supposed to be given really ridiculous dares you are her new..."target"

Dave: *eyes widen and he looks afraid*

Karkat: HAHA.

Author: so...apparently you must...*reading* take off your shades and ride Maplehoof while wearing a skirt with the My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic theme playing in the background. O_O

Dave: what. no way.

Author: It's a dare man.

Dave: -_- I hate you so much lk.

Equius: D- uh.

D- I was wondering...

D- if I could perhaps..._accompany..._Mr. Strider on this Dare...

D- No.

D- nevermind..this...this is f001ish and inane.

Dave, now wearing his skirt which is lacy and red, smiles slightly and holds out his hand to Equius.

Dave: bro, just put on the skirt. You know you want to.

Minutes later, Equius has returned wearing a jean skirt. His mouth curls up into an almost pleasant smile.

Dave and Equius: ride Maplehoof while wearing skirts with the MLP theme in the background.

Karkat and several others cover their eyes as Equius and Dave perform this action, Nepeta just glancing up occasionally and smirking as she appears to be drawing on a bit of the wall in the corner with red and blue crayons.

A few minutes pass, and Dave and Equius have changed back again, Dave looking ashamed and blushing and Equius his smile still lasting upon his face, kind of in la la land on the window seat.

Author: ….. O_o I'lllllll pretend that _wasn't _the creepiest shit I ever witnessed and move on to the next few dares...these ones are from shipperPsiioniic.

Sollux: cool.

**Eridan: I dare you to dye your hair streak orange for a day**

**Sollux: You are amazing. I wont give you any weird dares, just a cool one:**

**Tell everyone what you really think about them. Don't hold back anything.**

**Gamzee: I dare you to mix your faygo with sopor pie.**

**Tavros: How do you feel about Gamzee?**

**And last but not least, Karkat: Try on one of Kanaya's dresses.**

Author: interesting...

Author: let's start with Eridan. SP Dares you to dye your hair streak orange for a day.

Eridan: WWHAT?! *looks horrified*

Author: you don't have to do it right now..

Eridan: *takes a deep breath and seems to calm down*

Feferi: um...Tavros?

Tavros: yEAH?

Feferi: w-E mig)(t N-E-ED you lat-Er on...

Tavros: oH,,,oKAY...*glances at Eridan and then at Feferi, then it seems to dawn on him* wAIT UH-

Author: hehhheheh. oookie doookie now...*mumbling: "why are my readers such freaks?" and shaking her head in disbelief* Gamzee...

Gamzee: *waking up from a faygo induced slumber* HooOOnnKK?

Author: ...you've been dared to mix Faygo with Sopor Slime...

Gamzee: *smiling mischieviously*

Author: but before you get your hopes up...due to recent..._happenings_...I will not allow you to consume any of this mixture. I do hope we can satisfy SP with simply creating this disgusting concoction.

Gamzee: *pours the Faygo in some sopor slime, then starts to dip his finger in it...* -

Karkat: NOPE. *grabbing the tin from under his hand and pouring the whole thing down the sink drain*

Author: alright. Good. we avoided another murderous rampage. Moving on...Tavros!

Tavros: hUH?

Author: how do you feel about Gamzee?

Tavros: uMMMM...

Gamzee grins at him and honks.

Tavros: wELL,,,uH,,,,i THINK HE'S PRETTY COOL...aND,,,uH,,,hE HELPS ME OUT A LOT AND,,,uH,,,hE'S REALLY GOOD AT THROWING DOWN SICK FIRES...bUT,,,uH,,,hE SCARES ME A LITTLE...aND I DON"T REALLY KNOW WHY...wHEN I'M AROUND HIM I JUST FEEL REALLY NERVOUS THAT I'LL DO SOMETHING STUPID...

Vriska: you _should_ 8e nervous. You do something stupid almost all the time.

John: wow Vriska! That was really mean! *looks disapproving*

Tavros: bUT UM...i LIKE GAMZEE A LOT AND,,,uH,,,wHENEVER I'M AROUND HIM IT'S REALLY HARD TO BREATHE AND,,,uH,,,i DON'T KNOW WHY EXACTLY...sO,,,uH,,,yEAH. *blushing*

Gamzee: HoNk :O)

Author: aww!

Author: the next one is for Karkat...oh god.

Karkat: WHAT? *looks over her shoulder* OH MY GOG. NO. I'M NOT DOING THAT.

Author: it's a dare.

Karkat: SERIOUSLY. YOU GUYS ARE LIKE A GANG OF SICK FUCKS. EVERY LAST ONE OF YOU FINDS IT ENTERTAINING TO WATCH ME HUMILIATE MYSELF IN FRONT OF PEOPLE THAT I RESPECT AND...SOME OF THEM...LIKE.

Terezi: *avoids eye contact, blushing slightly*

Karkat: BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? FINE. I'LL PUT ON THE DRESS.

Kanaya: Wait. What Dress?

Karkat: KANAYA YOUR ROOM IS ON THE SECOND FLOOR, RIGHT?

Kanaya: Yes...But What Are You Doing? Don't Touch Those Dresses!

Karkat calls down from the top of the stairs, making it slightly muffled. "IT WAS A DARE!"

Kanaya: You Will One Day Regret This SP...*mumbling, reaching to her pocket and moving around what could only be her lipstick with her fingers*

In a few minutes, Karkat walks down the stairs again, now wearing a long and poofy turquoise dress covered in sparkles. Everyone just stares at him supressing smirks. while he glares at the Author until Dave whistles at him, causing John to lose it and collapse on the ground. Jade just rolled her eyes and Rose marveled at their immaturity.

Karkat: SHUT THE FUCK UP DAVE.

Kanaya:That...That Took Me Months To Perfect... *eye twitching*

Karkat then hurries back up the stairs to change back into his normal clothes, leaving the room in chaotic laughter. Even Tavros is tittering a little.

Author: *calming down from the laughter* OH- *gasp-giggle* Okay...*giggle* Okay...I saved this one for last. Sollux...shipperPsiioniic says she won't give you anything weird because you're amazing...so she dares you to tell everyone in this room what you sincerely think about them without holding it in. Let it all out Sollux.

Sollux: and thii2 ii2 a _cool _dare, iin theiir opiiniion?

Author: apparently...go on now!

Sollux: *sigh* okay...

He walks over to each person that he is addressing as he performs the dare.

Sollux: alriight kk, ii'll 2tart wiith you becau2e ii don't fuckiing hate you. *deep breath* you really 2uck at viideo game2 and you're not the ea2iie2t two talk two becau2e you get mad and blow your top 2o ea2iily, even when ii'm jokiing, whiich mo2t tiime2 ii am. But...you're 2tiill liike, my be2t friiend and ii know that ii can count on you for nearly everythiing. and iin addiitiion two that, even iif we diidn't all 2urviive, you're a pretty damn good leader two.

They then give eachother a bro hug.

Karkat: T-THANKS SOLLUX.

Sollux: kn, ii don't know you all that well but what ii do know ii2 that you're very hard-workiing and you alway2 try your be2t, whiich are great qualiitiie2. You have wonderful genero2iity and tolderance and 2ometiime2 ii wii2h ii wa2 liike you.

tr, ii thiink that you have lot2 of confiidence, you ju2t don't know where to fiind iit, and you alway2 2ee the good 2iide of people, no matter how many bad thiing2 they've done. You're alway2 wiiliing two forgiive.

np, you are one of the brave2t people ii have known iin my entiire liife. ii gue22 that ii2n't really 2ayiing much 2iince that liife wa2n't very long, but 2tiill. you can be annoyiing at tiime2 but when iit count2, you have a lot of determiinatiion and 2trength iin you that come2 from pure love, and you're wiilliing two put love iin front of liife. But you 2hould really thiink about 2trategy before makiing quiick deciisiiion2, becau2e 2ometiime2 you'll regret them later on.

eq, you're really bo22y and you 2hould 2tart tryiing two 2ee everyone a2 equal2. ii mean, look, hiighblood2 are 2uppo2ed two liive longer than lowblood2 and kk's 2till aliive, wherea2 you're long gone. You are 2ort of creepy and maniipulatiive, and you alway2 thiink you're riight. but you're REALLY 2trong and when iit matter2, you wiill alway2 be there for the people you care about. I don't really thiink you'd be all that bad iif you weren't 2o 2tuck up. ii mean, you've ba2ed half your liife2 decii2iion2 off the hemo2pectrum, and iit2 obviiou2 that you are capable of haviing feeliing2 that shiine through that, and 2ometiime2 you 2eem to que2tiion your own way of thiinkiing. you WANT other people two giive you order2, not a2 2uperior2, but a2 equal2.

vk, fuck you. you're a total biitch, maniipulatiive, and ii don't know HOW tr could 2ee ANY good iin you what2oever. you've ruiined 2o many people2 liive2 wiith your 2tupiid game2...but...when we were lookiing for the trea2ure you actually 2eemed to want to help. you were tryiing two do 2omethiing good, and you're riight. You DON'T have two be a good per2on to be a hero. beiing proud of who you are ii2 one thiing that you're really good at...you have 2o much confiidence iin your2elf...maybe you don't mean to put other people down...maybe you ju2t liike to prank people and ju2t go two far...me22iing wiith 2omeone ii2n't a biig deal, but ii ju2t don't 2upport all the paiin you've cau2ed.

gz, ii'm never eatiing your cupcake2 AGAIIN. but...you have a really great way of 2eeiing the world...okay...everythiing ii2n't a miiracle, but you piick out the be2t thiing2 about liife and look at them wiith wonder. everythiing ii2 beautiiful to you and you don't take anythiing for granted, becau2e you thiink that iit2 a miiracle iit2 even there.

tz, you are fuckiing out of your mind...whiich ii2 weiird becau2e you're the 2eer of miind, but your creatiiviity never cea2e2 to amaze me. no matter what you thiink, you're really liikable and fun, and...ju2t the type of per2on that grow2 on you, even iif you're determiined NOT two liike them. You can tell that a lot of people liike you enough two bee iin a more 2eriiou2 relatiion2hiip, but you have to fiigure out what you want. you obviiou2ly are troubled by a lot of thiing2, but driinkiing them away ii2 not the an2wer. you have two decide who you are and what you 2tand for. only then wiill you be able to bee who you want two bee.

ff, let me ju2t 2ay you are REALLY PERKY, and you are alway2 able to put a po2iitiive twii2t on anythiing. ii liike talkiing two you a lot, and you're a really great moiiraiil...but there2 defiiniitely other people who need you more. 2ometiime2 ii thiink that you 2hould have 2tayed wiith your oriigiinal moiiraiil. ii really do care about you, but you need to 2et your priioriitiie2 2traiight. ii al2o admiire your striive two change thiing2...you're not ju2t goiing two follow the path laiid out for you.

John, Dave, Ro2e, and Jade, we're from two completely diifferent world2, and ii don't actually know that much about you guy2, but the bond that you all 2hare ii2 a beautiiful thiing. iit2 liike 2ome kiind of 4-way moiiraiileiigence. iindiividually, John, you're pretty funny, Dave, you're not that bad at human...reapiing, wa2 iit?

Dave: rapping.

Sollux: rappiing. riight. Jade, you're really happy all the tiime and Ro2e, you're pretty 2mart.

aa...hmm...well, you're really pretty for one, but you're al2o really ea2ygoiing and acceptiing, but geez, when you get angry...the poiint ii2, you're niice iin general but you don't hold back iif 2omeone ii2 a biitch two you. You al2o have a good under2tandiing of the world and completely accept death. ii liike you a lot...

*sigh*

ED...ii've alway2 thought you were a 2tuck up iidiiot who was far too proud of hiim2elf and wa2 whiiny and riidiiculous and...horriible...but then ii realiized... 2ometiime2 all people need ii2 a little love. ii alway2 thought that your 2carf and hair and cape were 2o 2tupiid and were really iinconveniient and you ju2t wore them two 2how off...but then ii realiized...they kiind of 2uiit you...ii u2ed two thiink that we kept haviing fiight2 becau2e your were a biig-headed drama-machiine that couldn't except that hiis moiiraiil wa2 tiired of hiim and hated my gut2 for 2ome rea2on...but then ii realiized...you really loved her...and ii ju2t took her away, all the whiile beiing a total jerk two you ju2t becau2e you wanted to de2troy u2, but even that wa2 for a good rea2on that ii 2hould have under2tood...ii u2ed to thiink ii hated you...but then ii realized...ii-ii love you. ii thiink that all you ever needed wa2 2omeone two love you when no one el2e would. and...ii do.

Eridan's cheeks turned dark violet as Sollux pressed his lips against his own. Everyone at this point was staring at them. The Author sighed, resting her cheek lazily on her hand and smiling. Karkat looked at her with disgust.

Author: oh yeah, and Karkat, you can only say nice or positive things about people for the next 2 rounds.

Karkat: WHAT!?


	3. BEHOLD,THE TREE CARD HAS BEEN PLAYED

It's later on in the day, in the afternoon. Everyone is sitting around outside. Some of them are just lying around talking, others are playing soccer, but the one thing about the picture that was odd was Eridan Ampora. Sitting alone on the branch of a tree.

The sun began to set, casting a warm glow over the scene, and the Author sits on the porch, sipping Lemonade and looking at her computer screen.

So Eridan Ampora sat there, glumly kicking his legs back and forth and observing the game going on down below, which was now interrupted by an argument because Vriska had begun to use her powers to foil the other team.

Nimbly, Sollux Captor slipped onto the tree branch. It was a smooth manuever, making it look almost as if he had been practicing this exact movement for a long time. How else could he have sprung himself off the spot he was balancing his feet on to climb up and swung them swiftly over the branch Eridan was sitting on?

The Prince of Hope turned to look at Sollux, who smiled goofily with bright, perfect fangs, making Eridan blush profusely. He always did that to him. Always.

Eridan: did you...mean it? wwhat you said earlier today?

Sollux: why wouldn't ii mean iit? the dare wa2 two not hold back, 2o ii diidn't.

Eridan: oh.

Eridan: cool.

Sollux: *mocking him* "oh. COOL."

Eridan: *punches his arm playfully*

Sollux: you wiimp, that diidn't hurt what2oever.

Eridan: *smiles slightly, tittering* Hehe.

Simultaneously, their hands move to the side, and for a brief second, their fingers touch.

Vriska: oh hey looooooook! :)))))))) it's the fishy prince and caaaaaaaaptoooooooor!

Vriska: Eridan and Sollux sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G!

Sollux: you know, ii'd be really pissed off at you riight now iif you weren't telliing the truth...

Quickly, he kisses Eridan on the cheek.

Eridan: O_O...:D

Sollux: heheheheh

Author: HEY GUYS!

Eridan jumped, being pulled back into the real world by the voice of the Author, calling them over to the porch. This same jump sent him backwards, and within seconds Eridan was dangling off the tree by one leg upside down.

Sollux: oh my god ED...hold on... *smiling at his stupidity...but he actually looked kind of cute hanging upside down, looking all surprised down there*

Sollux held out a hand to Eridan, who gratefully accepted it and pulled himself back up on it. After he had returned to safety, balancing on the branch, they both slid off together to the ground and went to join the others, most of which who were already seated on the porch.

Author: well holy shit, I just released the one from this morning and I already have, like, seven new reviews. So, I figured I'd just do another round today.

The group nodded and made themselves comfortable around the porch.

Author: first off, from mellosgoggledgamer

**eridan: dare ya to call kankri and ask what triggers him. good luck eri!**

**sollux: you need to lick karkat's horns. ;)**

**tavros: are you... flushed for anyone? hmmm?!**

**john: are you very sure you're NOT a homosexual?**

**karkat: enjoy the amount of... 'special atten-**

Author: MOTHERFUCKER I SAID NO SUGGESTIVE MATERIAL! *calming down, after everyone did a startled jump. doing deep breaths* I will allow the ones that are not rated M to be carried out... so...thats like...two?

Tavros...they want to know if you're feeling red for anyone?

Tavros: yES.

Author: WELP, YOU DIDN'T ASK WHO NEXT QUESTION!

John, are you SURE you're NOT a homosexual?

Karkat: OH...HE WENT TO GET ME GRAPES.

Author: why did you need grapes?

Karkat: BECAUSE I WAS HUNGRY AND HE'S MY PERSONAL SERVANT...DUH.

They wait around for several minutes until John returns, scowling and giving Karkat the grapes.

Author: nice tux John.

John: I hate you all.

Dave: when did you turn into Karkat John?

It is clear that Karkat is holding back an array of insults he wishes he could direct at Dave, however, he has been dared to only say positive and kind things for two rounds.

John: *scowl*

Author: anyways...are you SURE you're not a homosexual John?

John: yes. I'm pretty sure.

Author: what about bisexual...hm? O_o

John: …

John: that wasn't technically part of the truth. I don't have to answer that.

Author: aww...I guess you're right. *calling up to the sky* WHY MUST I HAVE SUCH LIMITED POWER? WHYYYYYY!?

Author: ahem. *dusting herself off* this next one is from Deranged Shadow Fangirl...again.

**John: YES! THANK YOU FOR TAKING THE PICTURE! MY OTP KISSING IS JUST SO...I**

**CAN'T DESCRIBE HOW CUTE THEY ARE TOGETHER! *turning cartwheels while squealing**

**happily, getting stares from everyone* Ahem...None of you saw anything, okay?**

**So, John, as a reward, and a HUGE thank you...Here's a box of the ULTIMATE**

**pranks! *hands you box* You all think I'm crazy now...**

**Author: Why, yes, I did comment! Very cute! I also squealed in Chapter 2 of**

**this when EriSol happened!**

**Dave: You're welcome for the apple juice :)!**

**Eridan: Who's you're favorite Harry Potter character?**

**Everyone: Listen to the English version of "Alice of Human Sacrifice."**

**~Deranged Shadow Fangirl**

Author: John, you have been thanked for taking the picture.

John: finally! something is going well today!

Author: so, as a reward...

A small portal appears in the middle of the porch, glowing and floating in the air. Without warning, a box drops through it labeled: "TEH BOX OF ULTIMATE PRANKS"

Karkat: HOW COME I DIDN'T GET A REWARD? I WAS THE ONE WHO HAD TO KISS HER!

Nepeta: :33 mew! :((

Equius: *pats her as gently as possible*

Nepeta: :33 ow!

Equius: D- sorry.

John: whoever you are, thank you for making today not suck.

Author: also, I'm glad It made you squeal? maybe?

Author: Dave, she says you're welcome for the apple juice.

Dave: that was the best apple juice I have ever tasted.

Author: Eridan, DSF wonders who your favorite Harry Potter character is?

Eridan: wwell...I havven't seen many a these human movvies...but Rose showwed me a feww a them. I havve a particular fondness for the character of Snape. Alright so, he has red feelins for this one girl...and basically, theres this guy at the human teachin facility of magic that they all go to wwho he really hates...so this girl ends up not likin him and runs off wwith this guy he hates...and then swweeps later they die, and their son starts goin to the same teachin facility wwhere the snape guy ends up teachin...and so he decides to make the sons life hell. And throughout the wwhole thin, evveryone just thinks he's this really bad guy and that he's a really horrible person, but the wwhole time he's been tryin to savve the son of the guy he hated...and they all didn't like him! I just think he's a really deep character an stuff...evveryone hates him just because life let him dowwn again.

Author: interesting...well...DSF wants you all to listen to a song next called Alice Human Sacrifice...

She hits play on her computer, and a eerie tune begins to play.

_The first Alice was a wrathful woman of the spade._

_And righteously she held a sharpened blade within her hand._

_Never hesitating to slay all within her way._

_Creating paths of blood that followed her through Wonderland._

_Deep into the darkened forest, Alice walked the line._

_Captured and imprisoned as an embodiment of Sin._

_If it were not for the murderous wake left behind._

_No one would have suspected that she had ever been._

_The second Alice was a fragile man of the diamond._

_The broken echo of the lies within demented words._

_He sang his twisted melodies to all in Wonderland._

_Creating the image of the sick and the disturbed._

_Deadly, yet so beautiful a voice just like a rose._

_Was shot by a madman who silenced him to death._

all eyes turned to Equius, who looked petrified by the words.

_A single rose bloomed in his place with no music composed._

_With twisted grin this dying man lay breathing his last breath._

_The third Alice was an innocent young girl of club._

_An enchanting, graceful figure in the world of Wonderland._

_She charmed the people in the land to her beck and call._

_A peculiar country answering to each command._

_So she rose into the throne to be the country's queen._

_Consumed by paranoia of her own impending death._

_Soon the queen succumbed to a dark and nightmarish dream._

_Disguised in kindness, loathing fate, she secured her regime._

_And as this past two children walked in the woods._

_Partaking in tea underneath the trees they'd never part._

_They found an invitation to the queen._

_It was the Ace of Hearts._

_The fourth Alice was a duo of curiosity._

_Both were lost and could not find the boat where they began._

_And so they ran through countless open doors so recklessly._

_A brother and a sister running wild through Wonderland._

_A stubborn elder sister._

_A witty younger brother._

_But they had strayed too far into Alice's Wonderland._

_They were never woken from their terrifying dream._

_Forever they would wander this twisted fairytale._

At the end of the song, words appear on the screen that read "Who will be the next Alice?"

**(( Fun Fact From the Future: I later performed this at my camp talent show with my friend.))**

Equius: D- excuse me... I need to.. 'get myself together'...elsewhere.

He hurries off, Nepeta getting up to follow but him making her sit back down.

Equius: D-I'm fine Nepeta. Stay here.

Nepeta: :33 why would you make us listen to that?

Author: Hey, don't shoot the messenger! But otherwise, I don't know. Did you not realize that connection, DSF? Madmen shooting people to death, dying with a smile on their face, Diamonds? SERIOUSLY?

Author: anyways, now for the next review. This one is from TheWingedHourglass

**Ooo, me too!**

**Okay,firstly; Author/Eridanisnotonfire, good job. This fanfic, although**

**common, is awesome. And by common, I mean people write truth or dare fics like**

**it's going out of style. I don't know how, but you make yours really stand**

**out.**

**Now for the dares!**

**KARKAT: I dare you to steal one of Kankri's sweaters and give Terezi a hug.**

**Just to see what she does with all that red.**

**GAMZEE: Bring back the horn pile and pester Eridan and Sollux until they get**

**in. Don't take no for an answer.**

**KANAYA: Spend an hour at a human Wal-Mart. Take care to notice human fashion**

**while there.**

Author: aww! thank you! you're too kind! Okay...Karkat. hehehehe

Karkat: WHAT?

Author: do you have one of your ancestors sweaters by any chance?

Karkat: NO. WHY WOULD I HAVE HIS CLOTHES JUST LYING AROUND?

Author: just a question. Hold on.

She walks out onto the grass near the teleporter and flips the lever again. A red sweater lies crumpled near the bottom.

Author: you have to wear this and give Terezi a hug.

Karkat: … FINE.

He pulls it over his head, then walks over to Terezi and wraps his arms around her.

Terezi: K4RKL3S? YOU SM3LL...B3TT3R TH4N USU4L!

Karkat: THAT'S GREAT.

He tries to release her, but finds that she has sunk her teeth deep into the fabric of the sweater.

Karkat; O-O FUCK.

And so he just kind of stands there with a blank expression on his face, allowing her to continue trying to eat the sweater. It was just for a second, but if you looked close enough, you could see a tiny smile begin to form, but then force itself back into a completely blank expression.

**(( must draw this later))**

Author: *smiling* hehehehe that's adorable. Next! Hey, Gam, did you prepare that horn pile?

Gamzee: aW yEaH...

Author: cool. It looks like TheWingedHourglass wants Sollux and Eridan to get in...

Sollux: ii don't have a problem wiith that. *smiling*

He pushes Eridan into the pile and then sits down next to him.

Karkat: *sounding rather pleasant, due to both his dare and the fact that he's trapped in a hug with Terezi* WOW, WHAT A WONDERFUL DISPLAY OF UTMOST AFFECTION, NOW CAN WE PLEASE MOVE ON? *he doesn't sound nearly as sarcastic as he normally would have*

Author: that was easy. Kanaya, you're going to Wal-Mart. *opens a portal and pushes her in* TA TA! See you in a few hours!

Rose: *drunk* NOOOOOOOOooooooOOOOOOO! *falls to knees, then falls over on her face, and falls asleep*

**(( that was a lot of falling...))**

Author: rose, stop drinking.

**(( Go read Happy Endings NOW lazy, otherwise you won't get this reference))**

Author: these next few are from livvykitty. again.

**Yay! Thank you for both the funny chapter and answering my review and**

**questions! Is it okay to do crossover dares? (pissing off Death the Kid, for**

**one) Also, is Aradia god tier? I only ask these questions because, well, it**

**should be fun for the authoress too! Speaking in which...**

**Eridan: Hurry up and kiss both the author and Sollux! *shoves a bit***

**Karkat: Since I ship you with everyone here (minus the author) does that make**

**everyone your bitch or are you everyone's bitch?**

**Dave: Hm... get in a closet with smuppets and three versions of Lil Cal.**

**Hehehehehehe.**

**John: Choose a number between 1 and 95! This will have relevance next review!**

**:3**

**Thank you yet again and have a good day!**

Author: aw, LK! it was no big deal! yes it IS okay to do crossover dares...I can probably find Death the Kid wandering around here somewhere...and Aradia appears to be God Tier currently.

Author: So...Eridan...um...you got this dare...and uh... *blushing*

Eridan: wwell wwhat is it then?

Author: heheh

Eridan: oh for fucks sake. *gets up to look at the screen*

When he reads the dare, his eyes automatically widen and he starts blushing as well. He shrugs and leans down, then kisses the Author on the cheek, who automatically smiles like a creep. He then walks back over to the horn pile and kisses Sollux on the mouth and Sollux begins to make a loud and happy sounding buzzing noise and returns this kiss.

Eridan: and you _didn't_ havve to shovve me...

Author: that was pretty enjoyable for me. Both ways actually. *mouthing: OTP! OTP MOTHERFUCKERS!*

Karkat: *gagging*

Author: Karkat, if you're choking on something, feel free to get a glass of water. Or..I guess have John get it?

John: *scowl*

Author: Oh, and livvykitty wonders that if you were shipped with everyone in this room, would that make you everyones bitch or everyone your bitch?

Karkat: *as politely as possible, but gritting his teeth* I DON'T THINK THAT WOULD MAKE ME ANYONES BITCH BECAUSE I AM NOT A FEMALE, AND EVERYONE HERE IS NOT FEMALE EITHER. ALSO, IF EVERYONE HERE _WAS _FEMALE, THEY COULDN'T ALL BE MY BITCH BECAUSE THAT'S JUST IMPRACTICAL...*mumbling this* AND ANYWAYS, I ONLY HAVE ONE PERSON THAT I COULD EVER CALL "MY BITCH" AND SHE IS THE LEAST BITCHY PERSON I KNOW.

Oh yes, and Karkat had sat back down after Terezi let go of him. Terezi was attempting to look as if nothing had ever happened and Karkat was staring into his lap and playing with the spit-covered part of the sleeve of the sweater, which he had taken off and now was just lying in a wrinkled mess in his lap.

Author: Okay...uh...Dave, lk dares you to get in the closet with smuppets and three versions of Little Cal.

Dave: *he stares at her in horror*

Author: they are waiting for you Strider. *directing him to the closet*

Dave: *he stands up and trudges inside. You can hear the closet door close and then a high-pitched scream and the thump of a bunch of things falling*

Author: that would be my weight collection.

Jade: why do you have a weight collection?

Author: in case Equius, you know, wanted to lift some weights.

Equius: D- oh. uh... those were for me?

D- I may have...broken one this morning.

D- I swear I just touched it!

Author: thats okay...John, pick a number between 1 and 95

John: 47

Author: cool. That apparently will have relevance in her next review. Moving on! These next ones are from GrimdarkPrincess.

***laughs evily***

***reads the part that says Karkat has to 'play nice' ***

**Karkat: I dare you to say something positive about everyone**

**Dave: I dare you to rap about cocconuts, while wearing a dress**

**Gamzee: I dare you to try Fanta**

Dave: *suddenly reappears, looking pretty chill for having been in a closet with a bunch of puppets and looking over the Authors shoulder*

Dave: I dare you to spell coconuts right.

Author: Oh, hey Dave! Did you have fun?

Dave: No. I was scared out of my fucking mind until I realized they never told me how long I had to stay in there.

Author: sounds great.

Dave: I hate all the reviewers. All of them. Except for the one who gave me Apple Juice, you're pretty cool.

Author: Karkat, GrimdarkPrincess dares you to say something positive about everyone.

Karkat: OH MY GOG.

Karkat: ARE WE HAVING LIKE SOME KIND OF FUCKING CLICHE PARTY HERE.

Karkat: I'VE DONE THIS LIKE 6 FUCKING TIMES ALREADY. AND ANYWAYS, ISN'T HAVING TO BE NICE TO EVERYONE PUNISHMENT ENOUGH? NOW I HAVE TO SAY THINGS THAT I _LIKE _ABOUT THEM?

Karkat: YOU KNOW WHAT, FINE! ARADIA, YOU'RE REALLY EASY-GOING, TAVROS, YOU'RE REALLY FORGIVING, SOLLUX, YOU'RE GOOD AT GAMING AND GOOD WITH COMPUTERS, NEPETA...YOU HAVE *struggling, seems to be holding back vomit* A...GOOD IMAGINATION...KANAYA'S NOT HERE RIGHT NOW BUT SHE'S REALLY SMART...UH...VRISKA...YOU ARE REALLY CONFIDENT IN YOURSELF...EQUIUS...YOU'RE GOOD AT BEING QUIET...GAMZEE...YOU'RE REALLY CHILL ABOUT EVERYTHING...ERIDAN...

He stares at him for a moment.

Karkat: OK, I GUESS YOU'RE PRETTY GOOD AT SINGING-

Eridan: wwhen did you hear me sing?

Karkat: I DUNNO...YOU'VE BEEN HANGING AROUND ROSE A LOT...YOU GOT DRUNK...YOU SANG.

**(( READ HAPPY ENDINGS NOWWWWWW!))**

Sollux: ooh, 2exy. *snicker*

Eridan: … *under his breath* cod damnit Rose.

Karkat: FEFERI YOU'RE ALWAYS REALLY HAPPY, JADE...YOUR KIND OF FUNNY...DAVE, YOU'RE KIND OF GOOD WITH MUSIC...ROSE, YOU'RE REALLY CALM...JOHN...

Yet again he stops and stares, but this time it lasts for about 4 minutes before he says...

Karkat: JOHN...YOUR FACE IS REALLY SLAPPABLE.

He then slaps him.

John: *rubs his red cheek*

Karkat: PHEW, GLAD THAT'S OVER.

Author: what do you mean? you haven't done Terezi yet.

Karkat: OH. OH YEAH.

Karkat: UH...TEREZI. *deep breath out while closing his eyes* YOU'RE KIND AND BEAUTIFUL AND FUN. AND...YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN MAKE ME SMILE FOR REAL.

Terezi: *blushing turquoise*

Karkat: AM I DONE NOW?

Author: uh huh...*smiling a bit at what he said*'

Author: Dave, it's your time to shine!

Dave: I can't BELIEVE this. WHY COCONUTS? Of all things!

Everyone stares at him, awaiting his performance.

Dave: *reluctantly begins as John beatboxes*

_"You're trapped on an island far, far away_

_You're alone with no food, god, you're having _some _day_

_you look up to the sky and what do you see?_

_a coconut hanging out of a tree._

_a C-O-C-O-N-U-T."_

**(( don't ever ask me to do that again. I felt so stupid writing that))**

Dave: And THAT's how you spell coconut. my god, some people... *crossing his arms and rolling his eyes*

He exits to change back into his normal clothes and returns a few minutes later.

Author: okie dokie lokie!

Equius: D- Pinkie Pie.

Author: what was that Equius?

Equius: D- N-nothing!

Nepeta: *stifling a fit of giggles*

Author: and last on this particular list, Gamzee, you've been dared to try Fanta.

Gamzee: wHaT?

Author: it's a soda. And it's in the fridge.

The brief moment that Gamzee goes inside leaves Rose time to wake up and she sits back down on the porch, looking a lot more sober now.

Gamzee returns, holding Fanta Grape.

Gamzee: oK...hErE gOeS... *he takes a quick swig*

Immediately, his nose begins to bleed randomly. He rushes back inside screaming.

Gamzee: HooooOOOOOOOnnnnnnKKKK! :O(

Jade: *covering mouth* Oh my gosh!

Tavros: gAMZEE!

Karkat: HOLD ON, LET ME TRY THIS SHIT *takes a sip*

Immediately, Karkats nose begins to bleed as well, which is rather problematic because he still is acting really secretive about his blood, even if everyone already knows about it. He rushes inside, covering his face and returns minutes later with Gamzee, looking better but their upper lip slightly stained.

Author: well...now we know what Fanta does to Trolls.

**(( i'm sorry. I was inspired by a random nosebleed I had.))**

Gamzee: HOOOOONNNNNKKK! :'O(

Tavros: *walks over and pats him on the back along with Karkat, who is only doing it halfway because he is still staunching the blood with a tissue in the other hand*

Author: okay, we have time for one more. Just to let you know, "person" and "guest" I have recieved your reviews and they will be featured in the next chapter as the Dares were kind of lengthy events. And we've all tried on enough dresses today I think.

The last one is from Keybladeauraofpie.

**yess now my wildest dream can come true, I dare Gamzee to cuddle up to dave**

**while Nepeta Sings defying gravity with Rose, while both are in costumes to**

**represent their lands**

Author: you know what to do...but I think we'll need a little help from someone.

She stands up and walks over to the teleporter, then flips the switch. With another blast of light, a certain troll in a pink sequined suit and top hat appears.

Broadway Karkat: DID SOMEONE CALL FOR ENTERTAINMENT?!

Karkat: OH SHIT.

After perhaps an Hour of preparation, Nepeta and Rose were dressed in lantern and teacup costumes. Gamzee had sat down next to Dave, still keeping the distance even though the dare said otherwise. And they begin to sing Defying Gravity from Wicked, which is what the Author found when she looked up the song. The whole thing is basically led by Broadway Karkat and the regular Karkat mysteriously disappeared right after he arrived.

When they're done, they all retire to their rooms for the night.

Author: alright guys, thanks for reading! See you in the next update!


	4. Disney Overload

It's about 11:00 in the morning and several Trolls are sitting in a huge rec room with all sorts of TV's and computers and gaming consoles. Nepeta and Equius have already sat down to watch "The Lion King" in response to a dare from DSF. In addition, Feferi has put on "The Little Mermaid" because they were also dared to watch a Disney movie in general by "Guest". Eridan, still looking up and cringing at his now orange hair streak has found a seat next to her, and Sollux has collapsed into a fit of laughter on the ground next to Eridan.

Eridan: shut up Sol.

Sollux: *continues to laugh, his glasses sparking and pointing at Eridan's hair streak* you look 2o 2tupiid!

Eridan: wwoww, howw kind of you to say that. I can tell you REALLY care about other people's feelins.

Rose: *popping up from out of nowhere* serosiuly! sotp it with the sercasm!

**(( GET OFF YOUR LAZY ASS AND READ HAPPY ENDINGS!))**

Kanaya: *yawning* Oh Hello Everyone, What Are We Doing? Hey Rose.

Rose: *gives her a drunken wave, her eyelids heavy*

Eridan: wwell, Sol is laughin at my hair.

Kanaya: Oh, That _Is _Horrendous.

Eridan: I get it, alright? Let it go...

Kanaya: Oh Well, I Suppose It _Was _A Dare. *she sits down next to Rose, patting her on the shoulder*

Eridan: …

Eridan: I don't understand this human movvie at ALL. wwhats evven goin ON?

Eridan: wwhy does she havve a TAIL? And wwhere are her gills?

Feferi: -Eridan, you can't -Expect the )(uman movi-Es to make any sense!

Eridan: wwell yeah, but this is ridiculous! Howw is she breathin underwwater wwithout GILLS?

Sollux: maybe 2he hold2 her breath..?

Eridan: she's OBVVIOUSLY part fish! She doesn't hold her breath!

Sollux: iit wa2 ju2t a thought...geez.

Meanwhile, on the other side of the room-

Equius: D-what e%actly is the purpose of watching this?

Nepeta: :33 H33! I don't know, but the baby lion is really cute!

Dave: I remember watching this...

A yell can be heard from upstairs, which sounds an awful lot like Karkat.

Author: *looking up from her laptop* It's ALLLLLWWWAAAAAYYYYYS Karkat. -_-

Author: WHAT IS IT NOW?! *she calls up the stairs*

The thumping of feet against the staircase can be heard and Karkat bursts open the door, Broadway Karkat following close behind.

Karkat: WHY IS HE STILL HERE? AND- FOLLOW UP QUESTION- WHO TOLD HIM HE COULD SLEEP IN _MY _ROOM? IT'S BAD ENOUGH HAVING TO SHARE WITH STRIDER!

Author: -_- Karkat. You're the same person.

Karkat: OH CONTRAIRE! HE IS ME FROM A FUCKED UP ALTERNATE TIMELINE WHERE ALL WE DO IS SING AND DANCE ABOUT EVERY LITTLE FUCKING THING INSTEAD OF DEALING WITH IT LIKE NORMAL PEOPLE. HE BELONGS IN AN INSANE ASYLUM.

Broadway Karkat: OH BE QUIET, WHERE I COME FROM, I'M COMPLETELY NORMAL.

Karkat: YOU HAVE CHERRY RED BLOOD, YOU'RE NOT FUCKING NORMAL AND YOU NEVER WILL BE.

Broadway Karkat: I MEANT THAT THE SINGING AND DANCING IS NORMAL, BULGELICK.

Karkat: *holding his breath* I'M BITING BACK SOOOO MANY FUCKING INSULTS RIGHT NOW.

Author: alright you two, shut up and let me plan todays torment in peace!

They, grumbling, part and go to either side of the room.

Author: heheheheh I love my reviewers.

John: *walking into the room yawning* more torture?

Karkat: JOHN, WHY AREN'T YOU IN UNIFORM? *smug smile*

**(( ahaha spongebob reference...))**

John: you know what Karkat? I just realized something. My dare was to allow you to use me as a servant. Well, I did. And the dare never told me when to stop. So I decided I'm stopping now. Because you're kind of a jerk!

Karkat: YOU CAN'T DO THAT! HE CAN'T DO THAT, RIGHT? *looking at Author*

Author: yes, he can.

John: *sticking out his tongue*

Dave: nice job John, but THIS is how you do it. *flips him off*

Karkat: IF I WASN'T CURRENTLY NOT SUPPOSED TO BE SAYING ANYTHING RUDE I'D-

John: you'd what?

Karkat: *staring at Eridans hair streak*

Eridan: I GET it!

Dave: *laughing* oh my GOD...whoever dared him to do that...Oh my god.

Sollux: *has proceeded to laugh at Eridan along with Dave*

Eridan: *rolls his eyes and turns back to the television screen*

On the OTHER side of the room-

Nepeta: :33 oh, hello! you're Broadway Karkitty right?

Broadway Karkat: YEAH, AND YOU'RE THE REGULAR ANNOYING CATGIRL THAT DOESN'T SING.

Nepeta: :33 I can sing if you want me to!

Broadway Karkat: NO, PLEASE NO, I HAD ENOUGH OF THAT IN "THATS HOW YOU KNOW". THAT WAS HORRIBLE.

Equius: D- do not insult my moirails vocal abilities, it is not very kind of you considering you've just met.

Tavros: *covering his eyes* dON'T EAT THE BABY LION!

Jade: Tavros, calm down. *patting him on the back*

Gamzee: yEaH tAvBrO... *shoosh pap*

Tavros: *uncovering his eyes, then covering them again* wHY IS THIS A MOVIE FOR GRUBS? tHIS IS REALLY SCARY!

Vriska: oh puh-lease, this is nothing. you're just a total wiiiiiiiimp!

Tavros: uH,,,tHAT'S NOT VERY NICE VRISKA.

Jade: yeah! give it a rest!

somewhere in the CORNER-

Terezi: D4V3! COM3 H3LP M3 W1TH MY DR4W1NG!

Dave: hold on! I'm laughing at the fish alien!

Author: alright guys, time for the reviews.

Nearly everyone groans, but they all gather around the Author.

Author: okie dokie. Before we start I'd like to thank all the reviewers. I have like, 11 reviews to get through, but It makes me really happy to know that this is good enough that you constantly come back to read it.

Broadway Karkat: WHY AREN'T YOU THANKING US? _WE'RE _THE REASON THEY COME BACK.

Author: wow Karkat, now I understand why he annoys you. -_- anyways, these first few are from scourgesisterswerehere.

Terezi: NO W3 W3R3N'T.

Vriska: yeah!

**Kanaya:what did you think of wallmart?**

**Karkat: if you could have any blood color, what would it be and why?**

**Aradia:punch Fefari in the face**

Author: ok, Kanaya, i'm sure we're all dying to hear what you thought of Wal-Mart?

Kanaya: Oh, Yes. It Was Terrible.

Author: ?

Kanaya: Everything Smelled Like Plastic And It Was All Casual Attire! And How Could You Stand To Sell Your Clothes In The Same Place As Your Food?

Nepeta: :33 my clothes _come _from my food. I don't think it sounds too bad.

Kanaya: Trust Me. It Was A Nightmare. Everything Was So Cheap! *shudder*

Author: *inspects her hoodie from Wal-Mart looking slightly ashamed*

Author: *she looks up and moves on* Karkat, if you could have any blood color, what would it be and why?

Karkat: YOU KNOW...A LOT OF PEOPLE ASK ME THAT. EVERYONE SEEMS TO THINK THAT I HATE MY BLOOD COLOR AND WOULD TRADE IT FOR ANYTHING ELSE. BUT YOU'RE WRONG.

MY BLOOD MAKES ME WHO I AM, AND IF WHO I AM IS A MUTANT, SO BE IT. I WOULDN'T TRADE WHO I AM TO BE SOME STUCK UP HIGHBLOOD, BECAUSE THE HEMOSPECTRUM IS A JOKE. HAVING RED-BLOOD HAS HELPED ME TO TELL WHO'S MY FRIEND AND WHO ISN'T, BECAUSE A GOOD PERSON WOULDN'T JUDGE ME OFF OF THE COLOR OF MY BLOOD. THAT'S LIKE ASKING ME, IF I COULD BE ANYONE BUT MYSELF, WHO WOULD I BE? I DON'T HATE WHO I AM. I MEAN, SURE, I HAVE LOTS OF HORRIBLE QUALITIES AND HAVING RED BLOOD HAS BEEN KIND OF AN OBSTACLE IN LIFE, BUT THERE'S NO ONE LEFT WHO CARES ABOUT THAT KIND OF STUFF NOW! IF I COULD HAVE ANY BLOOD COLOR, I WOULD HAVE CHERRY RED BLOOD. THAT'S WHAT MAKES ME A VANTAS, AND YOU KNOW WHAT? I'M PROUD OF THAT. I'M PROUD I'M NOT AN AMPORA OR A ZAHHAK OR A MAKARA. I'M PROUD TO HAVE BEEN MYSELF.

Author: …

Author: wow, deep.

Terezi just stared at him the whole time. Well, as well as you can stare at someone when you're blind.

Author: and lastly, Aradia, she wants you to...punch Fefari in the face?

Aradia: wh0's Fefari?

Author: no clue.

Aradia: huh. I guess we'll never find 0ut.

Author: okay, the next one is from Hipster Fandom

**Okay, Eridan, I dare you to kiss Terezi.**

**Dave, here. have a seven-foot tall bottle of apple juice.**

**Karkat, pour soft cheese on Equius's head.**

**I can't think of any other dares.**

**Also, this.**

***throws Homestuck Fandom at the author***

**You can use him for dares for the next four chapters.**

**We need him back afterwords, okay?**

Author: Eridan?

Eridan: yeah?

Author: do you have any idea why you're always dared to kiss someone?

Eridan: *sigh* wwho am I kissin this time?

Author: heheh...Terezi.

Eridan: WWHAT?! wwhy wwould I evven glubbin DO that?

Karkat: *glare*

Author: i'm sorry Terezi, Eridan,...K.K

Eridan: *kisses her on the cheek*

Terezi: ER1D4N, WHY DO3S YOUR H41R SM3LL SO STUP1D?

Eridan: you'vve got to be kiddin me! *brushes his hair back looking offended*

Just then, the doorbell rings.

Dave: i'll get it.

Minutes later...

"I've got a package for a...Dave Strider."

*high pitched scream*

Dave: OH MY GOD!

Author: :D

Author: the next dare is for Karkat. Pour soft cheese on Equius' head.

Karkat: WHY ARE THESE DARES SO RANDOM AND MEANINGLESS?

Author: *shrugs as she passes him a small bowl full of melted cheese*

Karkat: *takes it from her and pours it all over Equius' head*

Equius: *looking completely blank as the cheese drips down over his mouth and he wipes it off*

Equius: D-yuck.

Nepeta: :33 *ac hands her meowrail a towel to wipe the disgusting cheese off his face...and pawsibly the sweat*

Equius: D-thank you Nepeta

After he wipes the cheese from his face he walks off upstairs to rinse it from his hair. He returns within a few minutes, his hair clean.

**(( wait, how to trolls shampoo without accidently nubbing their own horns and/or getting their hair tangled in their horns?))**

Just then a portal opens and a small plush doll is thrown at the Author. It has one horn from every troll and the mobius double reacharound symbol on it's shirt. It's also wearing hipster sun-glasses with one of the lenses poked out and the remaining lense blue, cracked and with a bunch of red dots on it. It's also wearing Nepeta's hat and has face paint on one half of its face. It has a yellow sticky note on it that says: "Homestuck Fandom".

**(( later revealed to be the personification of the Fandom. I'M SORRY! I DIDN'T KNOW!))**

Author: Uh, thanks? Ok, the next ones are from DSF again.

**NEPETA...YOU HAVE *struggling, seems to be holding back vomit* A...GOOD**

**IMAGINATION...**

**My reaction: ...I thought you said NOTHING suggestive?**

**TRUTHS AND DARES**

**Equius: *banging head on table* Oh my gods! I'm so sorry! I just happen to**

**really like the song! Here, have some spare robot parts I found! Okay, MAYBE**

**they aren't spare, since I found them in Anakin Skywalker's room...Aw fuck I'm**

**rambling again.**

**Karkat: Are you implying that the kiss wasn't enough of a reward? Never mind,**

**just have a copy of "The Princess Bride."**

**Dave: Youre welcome again for the apple juice ! Hey, what was the best part**

**about living in Texas?**

**Eridan: Did you know that Snape was voted "Favorite Harry Potter Character?"**

**Nepeta: Watch "The Lion King." ((If she marks Karkat as Simba, like in "Nepeta**

**Watches The Lion King," I will fucking lose it.))**

**~Deranged Shadow Fangirl**

Author: WHAT exactly does that suggest? Whatever...

Another portal appears and In comes a pile of robot parts. The pile hasn't been there long before they hear a voice coming from the bottom of the pile.

C3PO: excuse me? Does anyone know where I am?

**(( aw yeah motherfucking cameo))**

Equius: *he jumps in surprise*

Author: C3PO? Oh man, this is fucked up.

John: how is that even possible?

Author: I don't know. You're in a dreambubble! *she yells back to the pile*

C3PO: a dreambubble? R2, do you have any knowledge of something called a dreambubble?

In response is a series of beeping.

Aradia: 0h my g0d.

Author: ok, this is just too weird. *she pushes the pile back through the portal*

Equius: *holding out his hand longingly* D-the robot parts!

Author: oh don't be such a baby, theres robot parts upstairs.. anyways, Karkat!

Karkat: OH GREAT.

Author: DSF wonders if you're implying that the kiss wasn't reward enough?

Karkat: IT WASN'T A REWARD AT ALL.

Nepeta: :33 :((

Equius: *pats her on the back*

Nepeta: :33 ow!

Equius: D-sorry.

Author: well, anyways,-

She is interrupted by the portal opening again and a copy of "The Princess Bride" flies out.

Karkat: *catches it* OH, COOL. *looking at the cover* THANKS DSF.

Author: I love that movie...

Suddenly, the door slams open. Dave stands outside, trying desperately to push an empty 7 foot apple juice bottle inside. Equius stands up to help him.

Almost a minute after Equius joins him the bottle is in the room.

Dave: *dusting himself off*

Author: Dave! Just in time! How was the apple juice?

Dave: I take it back, I love you guys.

Author: so do I Dave. So do I. DSF asked you, "what was the best part about living in Texas?"

Dave: well...hm...I didn't really ever develop an accent, so I guess the best part was making fun of everyones accent.

**(( no offense to Texans, your accent is lovely. I just thought Dave would be this kind of character.))**

Author: heheheheheh. Okay, Eridan, DSF wonders if you knew Snape was voted "favorite Harry Potter character"?

Eridan: No. I didn't. Thank you for sharin that extremely vvaluable trivvia. -_-

Sollux: wow E.D, you're iin a biit of a mood.

Eridan: shut up Sol. -_-

Sollux: hey. You look good wiith any color haiir 2treak. You know that, riight? *petting his hair*

**(( D'AWWWWWW))**

Feferi: *looks slightly disapproving*

Eridan: really?

Sollux: yeah. *kisses him on the lips*

Feferi: *casually looks away*

Author: awwww. Oh yeah, and Nepeta, you already did the last one. What did you think? You're not going to label Karkat as Simba are you?

Nepeta: :33 No, why would I do that? That's silly! Karkitty looks nothing like a baby lion...heheh...andIdon'thaveanyredpaintforhisforeh ead.

Author: huh?

Nepeta: :33 NOTHING!

Author: okay then...moving on. This next review is from rubycrackninja.

**Dear gog, Broadway Karkat. w**

**ANYWAYS**

**Terezi: *DUMPS A PILE OF CHERRY BLOWPOPS OVER HER***

**Nepeta: I dare you to dress up like a woofbeast and restrain all catlike**

**behavior for the day.**

**John: DO THE WINDY THING.**

**Karkat: I DARE YOU TO BE EXCUSED FOR NOW TO GO ON A DATE WITH TEREZI. NOW.**

**IT'S HER OR YOUR TORMENT.**

Broadway Karkat: *reading over her shoulder* WHAT ABOUT ME?

Then, another random portal appears and drops a pile of cherry blowpops all over Terezi.

Terezi: *sniff*

Terezi: K4RKL3S? WHY DO YOU F33L L1K3 4 BUNCH OF SUCK3RS?

Karkat: BECAUSE YOU'RE COVERED IN A PILE OF CHERRY FLAVORED SUCKERS.

Terezi: OH. TH4T M4K3S S3NS3. *licks one of the suckers*

Karkat: EW.

Author: ok, Nepeta, you've been dared to dress up like a woofbeast and restrain all catlike behavior for a day.

Nepeta: *in the middle of licking her paw*

Nepeta: :33 damn it.

Equius: D- Nepeta, please!

Nepeta: :33 oops, sorry. *she trudges off, growling to change into a barkbeast costume that she actually has on hand because she's dared to do this so often*

Jade: aw, Nepeta will look SO cute as a dog!

Author: John: do the windy thing.

John suddenly does the windy thing.

Vriska: fly Pupa!

Vriska: Flyyyyyyyy!

Vriska: Hahahahahahaha!

John: who's Pupa again?

Vriska: No8ody, just some loser.

Tavros: hEY!

Vriska: look at that, you did it again!

John: did what? You mean this windy thing?

Vriska: yeah.

Vriska: heheh, those were the days..

John: right?

Dave: now all I need is the book on dreambubbles and we're all set. hehe.

**(( this was both a reference to and partly taken from a scene where John does the windy thing in the comic))**

The portal opens up briefly.

C3PO: I still don't know what a dreambubble is!

Author: shut up!

She closes the portal.

Author: alright...um, Karkat- oh! This is interesting... *evil grin* You've been dared to be excused to go on a date with Terezi

Broadway Karkat: OK THEN...

Author: Not YOU dumbass!

Broadway Karkat: OH. *stuffs a rose back in his pocket*

Karkat: *blushing like mad*

Terezi: *avoiding eye contact* **(( again, as well as she can without actual eyes, I just mean what would be her eyes))**

Author: well, go on then.

Karkat: *gives her a dorky sheepish grin and holds out his hand to her*

Terezi: *she takes his hand, and they walk out of the room together*

The door shuts with a bang.

Author: awww. These next ones are from livvykitty

**Broadway Karkat's different from regular Karkat?! *does not understand this* I**

**just knida thought Karkat got into random moods where he'd sing...**

**Welp, let's begin!**

**John: The purpose of that was to choose which song on my Ipod *holds up**

**machine* you'd sing. Dude, you have absolutely horrible luck. You have to sing**

**the rockleetist version of "Rotten Girl, Groutesque Romance". It doesn't even**

**fit you...**

**Rose: Choose a number between 1 and 95. It can't be 47.**

**Dave: Hm... I may give you a break... Nah. Go to an ATM machine and get all**

**your money out. As it comes out, yell 'I WON! I WON!' The money is now the**

**author's.**

**Nepeta: As a propieter in the magical arts, I've perfected an immunity potion.**

**Drink it and Equius will be able to touch you, hug, even kiss you without you**

**being hurt! *hands pink colored potion***

**For now, I am done! See you next chapter *wave wave***

Broadway Karkat: *looking over the Authors shoulder again* YES I AM DIFFERENT FUCKASS.

Author: Oh god John. What did you do? *listens to the song* Is this about you and Kaaaaarrkaaaatttt?

John:how do I sing a song that's in Japanese? Wait what-NO! That's creepy and obsessive! Why would you even say that? *blush blush blush blush blush*

Author: I dunno, have you ever burned photos of Terezi?

John: this is completely irrelevant, I don't want to talk about this, it's none of your business! *BLUUUUUUSSSSHHHHH*

Dave: bro, your face looks like a fucking tomato

John: I JUST WANT TO KNOW HOW I'M SUPPOSED TO SING THIS AND GET IT OVER WITH! *His face really _is _like a tomato*

Author: Oh...as for that, I don't know...maybe lip sync?

She unplugs the headphones from her computer and puts the song on full volume, then starts it over.

Then, John performs some really bad lip syncing that looks like he's just opening his mouth and shutting it over and over. A bit like a puppet actually.

Author: *clapping* WOW THAT WAS SO AMAZING GIVE IT UP FOR JOHN EGBERT NEXT DARE-

Rose, you have to choose a number between 1 and 95 like John, but it can't be 47.

Rose: dnag it! I wsa totlaly gonig top ick 47! well, i geuss I pick 38!

Author: ugh...I do hope this isn't going to be a problem...Dave...well...just read this.

Dave walks over and reads his dare.

Dave: seriously bro? .

A portal opens that leads him to the outside of a corner store (so it can be more public) you can hear his distant shouting.

He comes back holding 10 bucks in his hand.

Dave: I've been saving that for three years!

Author: *takes it from him looking skeptical of his declaration* what were you planning to BUY with this?

Dave: I dunno...maybe a crapload of Chicken McNuggets or a used video game or abrandnewMalibubeachbaribiedoll...or something.

Author: *looks at him like: "WHY."

Dave: *brushes back his bangs, his eyes darting to the side nervously, hoping John didn't catch that last part*

John: *stifling a snicker*

Dave: NOT. COOL.

Just then, a random portal appears again,and in drops a small bottle with pink potion inside. Nepeta, who has returned and is now wearing a barkbeast costume and looking rather cross inspects the bottle with curiosity.

Nepeta: :33 ruff ruff!

Author: apparently, livvykitty dabbles in the magical arts, and has created an immunity potion for you Nepeta so that Equius can touch you. Of course, we all know magic ISN'T real, but do you want to give it a shot Nepeta?

Nepeta: :33 okay...

Jade: *has just noticed Nepeta's lovely costume* Oh my gosh Nepeta! You DO look cute!

Nepeta: :33 *hiss* I mean... *growl*- anyways, here goes...*drinks the liquid*

Equius: *hesitantly taps her shoulder*

Nepeta: :3 hmmm...wow! That didn't hurt at all! Thanks lk!

Author: and...*reading the screen* wave wave to you too! The next one is from TheWingedHourglass...John, Rose- yours are kinda secret...so, I'll just write them down and give them to you...here. *she hands them each a sticky note*

Rose: heheheheh

Kanaya: *looks kind of scared*

**Yay! Thanks for doing the dares! And you're welcome for the compliment.**

**And really Dave? You hate us reviewers? I didn't even make you do anything!**

**Just for that...**

**Dave: I dare you to kiss Lil' Cal(On the mouth, you little cheater!) and tell**

**him you love him.**

**Then attempt to use apple juices mouthwash, because I don't want to torture**

**you too much.**

**Jade: Since I haven't seen you around, I dare you to interrupt Karkat every**

**time he attempts to talk using an air horn.**

**John: Get revenge on Karkat for slapping you. Doesn't matter how, just as long**

**as it get done.**

**And rounding off the beta kids is**

**Rose: Slip your very best liquor into someone's drink, but don't tell anyone.**

**Let them figure it out.**

**Ha, I'm having waaay too much fun with this.**

John: *wicked grin* heheheheheheh you're my new favorite!

Author: okay, Dave...awww, i'm sorry! You have to kiss Lil' Cal on the mouth...and tell him you love him.

Dave: *gulp* you guys are sick creeps, you know that? well...except the ones that give me apple juice.

Author: *hands him Cal* pucker up...

Dave: ew. uhh...*leans in* I love you bro...*kiss*

He then flings it away like it has some rare and highly contagious disease.

John: *gigglesnort*

Dave: shut up John! consider yourself lucky you haven't had to do anything really stupid yet!

Author: Jade, *hands her an airhorn* you'll be needing this. You have to interrupt Karkat with it every time he tries to talk.

Jade: aw! That's mean!

Author: You have to, it's the rule.

Equius: D-why are you constantly quoting My Little Hoofbeast?

Author: to make you sweat, DUH.

Equius: *sweating a shit ton*

Author: mission accomplished. :) *whispering to Gamzee*

Gamzee exits the room.

Sollux: where2 he goiing?

Author: none of your..._beeswax _*smug smile*

Sollux: fuck you!

The door slams open again and in walks Karkat and Terezi, who are both holding hands and beaming.

Karkat: WHAT DID I M-

HOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNKKKKKKKK!

Karkat: JADE, WHAT THE H-

HOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNKKKKKKKKK!

Karkat: IS THIS PART OF A D-

HOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNKKKKKK!

Author: yes.

Everyone in the room makes pained expressions as they uncover their ears.

Dave: you better not talk for the rest of the day Karkat. Wait, does this count for his freaky alter ego too?

Author: they just said "karkat" not both karkats. Anyways, how did it goooooooooo?- *holding out her hands to stop Karkat* wait. Terezi.

Karkat: -_- THIS IS HORRIB-

HOOOOOONNNNNKKKKKKK!

Sollux: ii wiill murder you iin your 2leep K.K

Terezi: *just smiling and licking one of the cherry blow pops*

Author: I'm guessing it went well... this next one is from guest

**:Eridan: walk on bamboo stilts**

**Terezi: large rainbow lollipop, go**

**Nepeta: suddenly kittens**

Author: *sigh* what is this shit...oh god... *covering forehead*

Eridan...theres stilts upstairs...

Eridan: WWHY?

Author: *shrug* just do it and get it over with.

Eridan: ugh.

He retrieves the stilts from upstairs and puts them on when he gets into the rec room again.

Eridan: this is stup- AGH! *falls flat on his face on the ground*

Sollux: *dies of laughter on the floor*

Eridan: shut up! *muffled, but you can hear him tittering slightly*

Sollux: E.D...are you laughiing?

Eridan: *more muffled laughter* Maaaaaayyyybeeeee...

Karkat: YOU GUYS ARE COMPLETE-

HOOOOOOOONNNNNNKKKKKKK!

Another random portal appears and drops a giant lollipop on Terezi's pile of small ones.

Terezi: D:

Author: heheheheh. lastly, Nepeta...it says...suddenly kittens?

A random portal appears and drops a huge pile of kittens on Nepeta.

Nepeta: :33 awww! I mean- *ruff ruff!* *pretending to hate the little kittens*

Kittens: *scrambling off on their chubby little legs*

Nepeta: :33 thats right! run away! run away you little-I can't do this. -_-

Equius: *pats on back*

Author: these next ones are from Person.

**Dave: kiss the girl.**

**Equius: roleplay as each of the three lowest-bloods.**

**Rose, why do you wear headbands?**

**and finally,**

**Ships: Sail**

Author: DAVE KISS THE GIRL!

Dave: which girl?

Author: I DON'T KNOW JUST KISS HER!

Dave: okay then...*he walks up behind Jade, spins her chair around and kisses her on the lips*

Jade: *blushieblushieblushblush*

Author: Equius...oh, this is great...you've been dared to roleplay as the three lowest-bloods.

Equius: *facepalm*

Equius: D- alright uh...

Equius: MY NAME IS KARKAT VANTAS AND I HAVE REALLY LOW BLOOD BUT I DON'T CARE AND I DISOBEY MY SUPERIORS, WHICH IS A REALLY BAD INFLUENCE ON SOME PEOPLE AND I SWEAR AND YELL A LOT AND FIND IT ENJOYABLE TO BREAK CERTAIN CAT GIRLS FRAGILE HEARTS ON A DAILY BASIS.

Karkat: ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I DON'T SOUND LIKE TH-

HOOOOOOOOONNNNNNKKKKKk!

Karkat: *flips Jade off*

Equius: D- yes you do. ahem...now...what's something Aradia would say? Oh yes...

Equius BEEP is rather BEEP endearing BEEP and BEEP highly BEEP attractive...

Aradia: *gives him a what the...? look*

Equius: D- and uh...

uH,,,mY NAME IS TAVROS NITRAM,,,uH,,, i HAVE NEVER THANKED EQUIUS FOR MAKING ME ROBOTIC LEGS,,,uH,,,bUT THATS OKAY,,, bECAUSE HE DOESN'T REALLY MIND.

Tavros: tHANKS EQUIUS.

Equius: D-oh...you're welcome. *sweating*

Nepeta: :33 *ac hands her meowrail another clean towel*

Author: okay then...Rose, why do you wear headbands?

Rose: ohh,,, i dont knoe...hmm.. *takes off headband*

All her hair falls in front of her face.

Rose: huh...mabee tahts whay...

Author: hm. And...uh... Ships: sail.

OKAY THEN!

The Author walks over to a kitty pool in the corner and blows on a small plastic ship that is floating there. When everyone stares at her with a blank expression, she looks up.

Author: what? ….oh. They meant...oh.

She awkwardly walks back to her computer.

Author: This one is from FireStorm8888

**Is broadway karkat still there if so I dare him to sing knight of blood! If**

**not i dare Karkat to do the macaraina (I can't spell it right hope you know**

**what I mean) and Dave *rolls in DJ booth* throw a rave party *flys away**

**yelling* LIKE THE WIIINNND!**

Broadway Karkat: YES, I'M STILL HERE. *reading over authors shoulder*

Author: will you stop reading over my shoulder?!

Broadway Karkat: NO. NOW LETS GET THIS OVER AND DONE WITH.

Aaaaaannnnnddddd he sings the song. Pretty much everyone applauds except Karkat.

**(( Wow, I never listened to that before. That was AWESOME.))**

Another random portal opens, and in rolls that DJ booth. A voice shouts from the other side of the portal.

"RAAAAAAAAVVVVVVEEEE PAAAAAARRRRRRRTTTTTTTYYYYY!"

Sollux: oh no. not thii2 2hiit agaiin.

"LIKE THE WIIIIIIIINNNNNNDDDD!"

John: wait, take me with you! *trys to fly through the portal but it closes and he falls flat on his face*

Gamzee walks in the room, holding a tray of Faygo Cupcakes.

Sollux: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!


	5. Ships: SAIL

**(( YAY! Back from Camp! The following Authors note was written before camp.))**

**(( Authors Note: oh my god, sorry for not updating in a while. I have a Tumblr addiction. o. o *sigh* thank you for reviewing, Oh my gosh! I had no idea I would get so many reviewers. I promise to update Happy Endings soon too in case you had a look at that at all. Mathlete123, I can't do your dare because I've never watched Doctor Who...maybe I should? I dunno. Also, I have some requests...**

**I get a lot of singing dares, and frankly, I don't see the point in me typing "and they sang the song". That's silly. If you're looking for reactions, then i'm fine with having the characters listen to the song. (that's enjoyable for me too because I get exposed to really good songs! :D) But please lay off the singing dares. Even for broadway Karkat. I CAN'T DO IT.**

**Secondly, please do not give me dares that are meant to last a certain portion of a chapter, especially if it occupies the person who has been dared so they can't do other things. You never know how your dare will fit in with other dares, so if John is busy listening to stories for half a chapter, he won't be able to do other stuff, so then I move it to the end, but then it's not half a chapter anymore and it just doesn't work. I'm fine with like, a potion or a certain skill lasting for a certain period of time, but do not give me dares that last for periods of time specific to a portion of the chapter.**

**Now, if we're done here...on with the story!))**

It's about 9:15 in the morning. 15 minutes until Karkat wakes up. If he catches you, the jig is up...although...you're not sure if the jig was ever down to begin with...

John's bare feet hit the cold marble flooring of the second floor bathroom. In his arms he carried a large cardboard shoe box, but not just any cardboard shoebox...no...this was the box of ultimate pranks. "I'm really grateful to whoever sent me this...though I can't really remember their name."

His hands came to rest upon the lid, which he swung open with a decent amount of care, considering that this box was so great and almighty. One could not simply carelessly FLING open the lid of such a holy item!

He grinned mischievously as he shuffled through the jagged pieces of paper. Some were ripped and written in a ball point pen on aging paper and some were typed upon clean white printer paper and cut at lopsided angles along the edges. So many pranks to choose from...such limited time.

Ah. There's a simple one. Luckily, this is an old, yet effective prank. And certainly on Karkat. He searched his hood's pockets for the usual items of tomfoolery. In these pockets he has concealed fake quarters for winning coin flips, smoke pellets, extra invisible string, plastic wrap, almost everything he could ever need for a quick, simple prank as such.

His hands grasped exactly what he was looking for. This plastic container is filled with red powdered food coloring. Perfect for fake blood. Similar to blood pellets, but a lot longer lasting and a lot easier to use. He had switched to the powder after some "incidents" that had involved his pocket being stained, and a lot of unwanted questions.

With quick fingers he sprinkled just a pinch of the red powder onto the bristles of Karkats tooth brush and exited the room silently. He then stepped inside the hallway closet and waited patiently, his ear pressed against the door, for his plan to fall into place.

He waited for just about the estimated 15 minutes before he heard a masculine shriek.

Karkat: AGH! OH MY GOD!

He stifled a snicker from inside the closet.

Author: what did you do this time John? *opening the closet door*

John: hey! You have no proof it was me! It could have been Dave, or Broadway Karkat, or Sollux...or anyone! But...yeah, it was me. I put food coloring on his toothbrush.

Author: nice *high five*

John: *smirk*

There's a disturbance in the hallway.

Dave: Oh my god, you actually FELL for that?

Karkat: SHUT UP DAVE.

Meanwhile, upstairs...

Feferi: Sollux, I just don't t)(ink t)(is is a good id-Ea!

Sollux: ff. calm down. iit'2 ju2t ED. He wouldn't and CAN'T kiill me a 2econd tiime becau2e ii'm not 2tartiing any fiight2 wiith hiim.

Feferi; but w)(at if-

Sollux: ii thiink you're ju2t jealou2!

Feferi: jealou2 of w)(at? )(im )(aving you as a mat-Esprit? of cours-E not!

Sollux: ff, ii'm 2orry, but even iif you ARE my moiiraiil, you aren't goiing two tell me who's goiing to be iin my quadrant2!

Feferi: Sollux, I'm t-Elling you t)(is as your sup-Erior! You are not to-

Sollux: oh 2ave iit! we both know you would never u2e your place on the hemo2pectrum to giive people order2, and we both know that ii'm not goiing two lii2ten two you anyway2, 2o why bother?

Feferi: list-En to me Sollux! t)(is isn't a good id-Ea! I just don't want you to g-Et -

At that moment, Eridan (his hair streak dyed back purple) creaked open the door and slowly walked out, yawning. He walked over to Feferi and crossed his arms, walking around her and staring at her with a fake smile on his face.

Eridan: *yawn* beautiful day isn't it?

He began to circle around Feferi, taking big, dramatic steps.

Feferi: o)(...yea)(...hehe.

Eridan: just wwonderful for swwimmin or sports...or talkin behind someones back!

Feferi: yea)(! wait...w)(at?

Eridan: I heard wwhat you said Fef. Did you knoww that these doors aren't soundproof? Yeah. If you're goin to suggest such -stupid might I mention- things behind someones back, you probably shouldn't do it in the middle of the hallwway.

He fluttered his eyelashes at her and gave her a charming smile.

Then his smile sank and he glared at her.

Eridan: just a tip.

And we return back to the second floor to see what shenanigans everyone else is up to.

Terezi: *creaking open the door to the bedroom she and Nepeta shared* K4RK4T WH4T'S GO1NG ON?

Karkat: *he blushes and stops shouting, then mumbles "oh...hey terezi." *

Terezi: H3Y. WH4T'S GO1NG ON? 1 H34RD Y3LL1NG.

Karkat: *blushes* WELL, UH-

Dave: step aside mcnubs. *he pushes in front of him* this idiot fell for one of Johns pranks again. He put food coloring on his toothbrush.

Terezi: H3H3H3H3H3.

Karkat: STRIDER SHUT UP! YOU WOULD HAVE FALLEN FOR IT TOO.

Dave: yeah, but I wouldn't have freaked out because my blood embarasses me.

Karkat: SHUT UP. THE REASON YOU WOULDN'T HAVE DONE THAT IS BECAUSE YOU ALL HAVE THE SAME BLOOD.

Dave: well, yeah, but everyone knows about YOUR blood now.

Karkat: JUST BECAUSE THEY KNOW ABOUT IT DOESN'T MEAN I WANT THEM TO SME- I MEAN...SEE IT!

Dave: well well well...look who's STILL got a crush.

Karkat: SHUT UP! *he starts blushing again and he runs from the bathroom, pushing past Dave, and slams the door to the room they were sharing shut*

Inside that room...

Karkat: *he slams open the door and closes it with equal force, his face cherry red*

Broadway Karkat: *he sits up, looking alarmed* WOAH. WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU?

Karkat: DON'T TALK TO ME! *he climbs under the covers of the bed and sits there in silence, but you can hear his ever so small choked up breaths as he tries to pretend he isn't crying*

Broadway Karkat: TECHNICALLY, I WOULD BE TALKING TO MYSELF, SO I'M JUST GOING TO PRETEND THAT I DIDN'T GET THE BASIC IDEA OF WHAT YOU SAID AND TALK TO YOU ANYWAYS.

OR...MYSELF, USING MY OWN LOGIC.

Karkat: YOU'RE THE LAST PERSON I WANT TO TALK TO RIGHT NOW.

Broadway Karkat: DUDE. WE'RE THE SAME PERSON. I JUST HAPPEN TO THINK SINGING IS AN EFFECTIVE WAY OF EXPRESSING EMOTIONS AND YOU DON'T, WHICH IS WHY YOU'RE CRYING UNDER THE COVERS INSTEAD OF SINGING "KNIGHT OF BLOOD" OR SOMETHING.

The door slams open and shuts with care, once the person who opened it realizes the seriousness of the situation.

John: Karkat, I didn't mean for you to get embarrassed! I was dared to get you back for slapping me! I never meant for it to go this far!

woah...are you crying?

Oh my gosh, i'm SO sorry!

Karkat: JOHN. GET OUT. NOW.

John: *he blushes slightly* right. um, bye. sorry! bye...*he shuts the door slowly, so it barely makes a noise*

The two Karkats sit in near silence (apart from the quiet sobbing) for only a few minutes before they hear the door open again. Very gently.

Dave: bro...look, John told me that you were crying and stuff, and i'm really sorry. I didn't mean to embarrass you in front of Terezi like that...well...I did...but I was just trying to piss you off. I didn't think you'd get this upset...

The sobbing stops for a moment.

Karkat: DAVE, GET OUT.

Dave: no way bro, this is my room too, and you're my room-mate. We room-mates need to stick together, you know what i'm saying? *he pats him on the back* And we try not to make each other cry.

…

you do know that this is probably a lot more embarrassing than blushing a whole lot, right?

Karkat: DON'T.

The door opens again, and in walks Terezi.

Terezi: K4RK4T, C4N 1 COM3 1N?

Karkat: *he freezes under the covers*

I-I'M NOT HERE RIGHT NOW.

Terezi: 1D1OT. 1 C4N SM3LL YOU. 4ND 1 KNOW YOU'R3 NOT BRO4DW4Y K4RK4T B3C4US3 H3...DO3SN'T SM3LL 4S SW33T. *she walks farther in*

OH, H3Y D4V3. *she gives him a small wave that is directed at the bedside table next to him.*

He gets up and moves away from the bed, whistling nonchalantly and holding back a smile.

Terezi moves closer to the bed, ducking her head downwards and cocking it slightly to the side.

Terezi: K4RK4T...K4RK4T AR3 YOU...CRY1NG?

Karkat: NO.

Terezi: ...TH3N WHY DO 1 SM3LL S4LTW4T3R AND CH3RRI3S?

Karkat: *he mutters something that sounds an awful lot like "fuck!"*

Terezi: H3H3. *she lifts up the covers, smiling, and sits down across from him on the bed, then pulls the covers over her head again.*

Karkat: TEREZI, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? *sounding exasperated as well as choked up*

Terezi: TH3 F34RL3SS DR4GON 3NT3RS TH3 D4RK C4VE, S33K1NG 4 GRUMPY OLD B34R. RO4R!

Karkat: *he seems to be fighting a small chuckle* UHH...THE BEAR DOESN'T REALLY KNOW WHY HE'S A BEAR. BECAUSE HE'S NOTHING LIKE A BEAR. AND BEARS AREN'T REALLY ALL THAT GRUMPY...AND THIS ISN'T A CAVE. THIS IS A HUMAN SLEEPING DEVICE. CALLED A BED.

Terezi: ( OH JUST PL4Y 4LONG!) TH3 F34RL3SS DR4GON3SS H34RD THE GRUMPY OLD B34RS SORROWFUL NOIS3S OF CRY1NG AND SUCH FROM F4R 4W4Y, 4ND SWOOP3D DOWN TO INV3ST1G4T3. WH4T 1S TH1S STR4NG3 NO1S3? SH3 4SKS.

Karkat: THE GRUMPY BEAR, WHO STILL DOESN'T WANT TO BE A BEAR BECAUSE BEARS ARE FUCKING STUPID, ANSWERS HER THAT HE WAS EMBARRASSED, SO HE HID IN HIS CAVE THAT WAS NOT REALLY A CAVE FROM THE GIRL OF HIS DREAMS.

Terezi:TH3 DR4GON RO4R3ED B4CK 1N TH3 D4RKN3SS. 1'M SUR3 WHO3V3R TH1S G1RL 1S, SH3 DO3SN'T W4NT YOU TO B3 S4D B3C4US3 OF H3R. SH3 PROB4BLY KNOWS TH4T YOU ST1LL L1K3 H3R 4NYW4YS...4ND...SH3 PROB4BLY ST1LL L1K3S YOU TOO. TH4T'S JUST A GU3SS, BUT DR4GONS AR3 SUPPOS3D TO B3 V3RY W1S3. SH3 S4YS. 4ND...SH3 4DDS...NOTH1NG TH3 3XT3M3LY COOL R3D DR4GON OF COOLN3SS COULD 3V3R SAY COULD M4K3 H3R NOT L1K3 YOU...PROB4BLY.

Karkat: THE BEAR LOOKS UP AT THE DRAGONESS, EVEN THOUGH SHE CAN'T TELL BECAUSE APPARENTLY IT'S VERY DARK IN THE CAVE THAT'S NOT REALLY A CAVE. AND SHE'S ALSO BLIND...BUT THAT DOESN'T MATTER. HER NOSE IS SO KEEN THAT SHE CAN PROBABLY SMELL HIS EYES MOVING, AS THEY ARE SO FILLED WITH CHERRY RED TEARS.

HE TELLS HER THAT HE TRUSTS HER DRAGONLY INSTINCTS ABOUT THE GIRL OF HIS DREAMS. HE LOVES THE GIRL **(( unintentional fish puns. Oh god. I wrote "gill". I AM TURNING INTO ERIDAN.))** VERY MUCH. AND HE WONDERS IF PERHAPS THE FEARLESS DRAGONESS COULD POSSIBLY GIVE THE GIRL OF HIS DREAMS THAT MESSAGE IF SHE EVER SEES HER?

Terezi: TH3 F3ARL3SS DR4GON3SS COULD OF COURS3 C4RRY OUT TH1S ORD3R FOR TH3 3QUALLY F3ARL3SS L3ADER, BUT TH3 G1RL OF H1S DR34MS 4LR34DY KNOWS TH1S, B3C4US3, 1N 4N 1NT3RE3T1NG TW1ST OF TH3 PLOT, TH3 DR4GON3SS TH1NKS SH3 M1GHT V3RY W3LL B3 TH3 G1RL OF H1S DR34MS!

Karkat: THE GRUMPY BEAR THINKS... *he cracks a smile* THAT THE FEARLESS DRAGONESS SHOULD TRUST HER INSTINCTS.

Then, there was silence.

*whispering*

Dave: I bet you FIVE BUCKS they're just making out under there.

Broadway Karkat: what? no WAY. Karkat would never be that romantic. you're on!

Dave: fine then.

He lifts the covers, and sure enough, they sit cross-legged, leaning forward and settling into a passionate kiss.

Dave: *still whispering* pay up!

The Author then opens the door with no care and walks in.

Author: Hey gu- WOAH-okay... *she backs out and closes the door behind her*

You could hear in the hallway this loud exchange.

Author: ok...you were right.

John: YES!

Karkat: IS EVERYONE MAKING BETS ON WHETHER WE'RE KISSING OR NOT?

Dave: sounds like it.

Broadway Karkat: I GUESS I CAN GO BURN MY "TEAM JADE" SHIRT NOW. *sigh*

Karkat: *he looks up at him with a disgusted and confused expression like: WTF?*

Author: *in a singsongy , happy, OMG MY SHIPS ARE ALL COMING TRUE voice* guys! i'm ready to start the Truth or Dares!

….also known as:

GET OUT HERE AND DISPLAY YOUR BEAUTIFUL LOVE!

Karkat: I GUESS WE'RE SUPPOSED TO DISPLAY THIS "BEAUTIFUL LOVE" THEN.

Terezi: SOUNDS L1K3 4 PL4N.

They walked over to the door and slammed it open, sending about 4 people backwards (they had been holding their ears to the door) onto the hallway carpet. Nepeta sat in the corner with her face in her hands as Equius patted her on the back.

John, Sollux, Vriska, and Eridan (Eridan and Sollux who had been right next to eachother, holding hands) (Feferi glaring at them) stared up at Karkat and Terezi, then nonchalantly got to their feet and dusted themselves off, smiling.

Karkat: WHAT EVER HAPPENED TO PRIVACY? DID IT DISAPPEAR WHEN YOU ALL BECAME CRAZY SHIPPERS?

John: yes.

The group went down the wide staircase together.

John: *coming up beside Karkat* So, I guess my prank turned out better for you than you thought, huh? *elbow elbow*

Karkat: YEAH...THANKS JOHN.

John: *holds out his fist for a bro fist*

Karkat: NOPE. TOO SOON.

They reach the bottom of the stairs and enter the sitting room.

Author: *smiling* Hi Karkat. Terezi. How are you all doing? Specifically Karkat and Terezi.

Karkat: I'M DOING JUST FINE.

Sollux: I have never heard you 2ay that kk. OH MY GOD. TZ WHATEVER YOU'RE DOIING TO HIIM DON'T 2TOP!

Terezi: H3H3, OK4Y. *she kisses him on the cheek*

His face flushes cherry red and his eyes widen.

John: congratulations! you melted Jack Frosts heart!

Jade: John. I'm pretty sure no one else but you has even seen that movie. The only reason i've seen that movie is you forced me to watch it. That's not even a good movie reference in this situation. Stop. Plus, Karkat's not cold-hearted he's just grumpy.

Karkat: GEE, THANKS JADE.

Nepeta was drying her eyes with her "Team Nepeta" shirt.

Karkat: WHEN DID YOU ALL GET THESE MANUFACTURED?

Terezi: Y34H 4ND HOW M4NY T34MS 4R3 TH3R3 4NYW4YS?

John: well, it may just be an urban legend...but I heard tell of "Team Aradia"

Simultaneously, they all shouted "EWWWWW!" and Aradia blushed with embarrassment.

Author: well...creepy shipping aside, lets begin the reviews! Firstly, I would like to acknowledge scourgesisterswerehere's review. Yes, we know that you meant Feferi. I just wanted to make fun of autocorrect...and also protect Feferi from being seriously injured. Sorry if I made you feel bad, but I kind of do that to everyone if they make a spelling mistake or something...so yeah. And thanks for the compliment! I try my best!

Onto the dares then!

**(( oh my god I have a problem...i'm checking Tumblr again. WHAT DO I THINK HAS CHANGED IN TWO MINUTES?!))**

Author: the first one is from "Guest" sheesh guys at least make up a name...

**:Sollux: Eat. That. Cupcake**

**Equius: Watch the newest episode of MLP. Its amazing.**

**Vriska: Break an 8 ball for me. Pleeease! I need to see my patron do this.**

**Terezi: Go see what the author looks like. Aka lick her all over.**

Author: this one seems safe... *sees the last one*okay ew. Sollux, eat the cupcake. I know you didn't eat it last night when we had the rave party.

Sollux: no. iit doe2 bad thiing2 two me.

Karkat: SOLLUX, I'M PRETTY SURE MY END OF THE SITUATION WAS WORSE.

Sollux: ii diidn't 2ay iit wa2n't. *rests a hand on his shoulder* ii can't condemn you two that fate agaiin kk.

Author: *sigh* look, it was a dare. Get it over with.

Sollux: no. thii2 ha2 gone TWO FAR. ii'm not doiing iit aga- mhph!

Author: *shoves the cupcake it his mouth*

He blinks with confusion and looks around. Then, his eyes come to rest upon the hand that was on Karkats shoulder.

Sollux: *he flings it off in disgust* GET AWAY FORM ME HAND- 2TEALER!

GAMZEE...GAMZEE HE'2 oN THE MOVE AGAIIN...GAMZEE! we HAVE two WAARN THE OTHER222222!

Gamzee: aLrIgHt BrO, bUt I dOn'T kNoW wHaT tHeRe Is To MoThErFuCkInG wArN tHeM aBoUt...

Karkat: CAN'T YOU FIX HIM?

Sollux: get AWAYU from MEEEE! * he runs away screaming*

Eridan: Sol! Hold on!

Sollux: *he skids to a eyes widen and he screams at Eridan:* GET away BEFORE he 2teal2 your HAND2 TWO! ED! 2ave your2elf! he2 a maniiac!

Eridan: *he strides over to him and softly kisses his cheek*

Instantly, Sollux's expression softens.

Sollux: WHY would you make me DO that?

*he turns to look at Eridan*

Sollux: thank2 ED. I owe you one.

Eridan: wwell, pay up then.

Sollux: *he kisses him on the lips* iis that enough?

Eridan: *he blushes and walks off smiling softly. He then collapses onto the couch upside down.*

Sollux sits next to him.

Feferi glares at both at them.

Author: okie dokie. that problem was quickly resolved. Moving on.

Equius, have you seen the newest MLP episode?

Equius: *he looks insulted* D- of course I have! It was spectacular!

Author: I rather enjoyed it myself actually...

Vriska, can you break an 8 ball for "guest"?

Vriska: sure..? *she throws one of the magic 8 balls on the ground*

It instantly breaks.

Vriska: I'm not sure exactly why you wanted me to do that, 8ut okay...i'm sure you have your extremely laaaaaaaame reasons.

**(( wow. I just spent like three minutes looking through the wiki to see if she breaks them with her powers, only to find that she just "breaks them in frustration". wow.))**

**(( *conveniently forgets the last one*))**

Author: okay, moving on then.

Broadway Karkat: *looking over her shoulder AGAIN* WAIT, YOU SKIPPED ONE.

Author: DUDE. Stop doing that!

Broadway Karkat: EW. WHY WOULD THEY DARE HER TO DO THAT?

Author: I have NO idea.

Broadway Karkat: IT'S TEREZI'S DARE. SHE HAS TO DO IT.

Author: not if I don't TELL her to do it! *triumph!*

Broadway Karkat: TEREZI, SEE WHAT THE AUTHOR LOOKS LIKE *smirk*

Author: DUDE!

Terezi: OK4Y TH3N. *she takes a whiff of the Authors face*

Author: *blushing and mumbling* you were supposed to use your tongue...

Terezi: DO YOU W4NT M3 TO L1CK YOU?

Author: no.

Terezi: 4LR1GHTY TH3N. W3LL...SH3 SM3LLS GOOD. H3R H41R SM3LLS L1K3 3R1D4N'S...L1K3 GR4P3 C4NDY. 4ND H3R 3Y3S SM3LL L1K3 N3P3T4...TH4T'S 1T.

YOU H4V3 A BOR1NG F4C3.

Author: D:

well then!

Anyways, moving on **(( also known as...I had no desire to do this in length))**...the next one is from psYchObItch.

**Eridan: two things, actually. One, can I borrow your wand to train my friends**

**so we can fight the Demon Apocalypse? Also, can you please call Cronus and**

**tell him I'm sorry for setting his lawn on fire fortnightly (every two weeks)**

**and that THE COLONEL (KFC) made me do it! Also, you are my favorite. *brofist***

**Author: go look up mambostuck on youtube. It is MIRACULOUS MIRACLES! I also**

**recommend Quest of the Highbloods.**

**Dave: *hands you a gallon of apple juice***

**SpiderBitch-I mean Vriska: WEAR THIS BUCKET ON YOUR HEAD! *slams a bucket on**

**your head and laughs when the bottom gets stuck on your horns, leaving a giant**

**hole in bucket)**

**Everyone: You guys met my bro, Slenderman? (Slenderman: *rides in on a**

**unicycle wearing a bucket on his head* HOW DO YA LIKE ME NOW, BITCHES?!**

**MUAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHA AAAAHHHH! *falls forward* ...if I had a face I would not**

**be able to feel it...)**

**JOHN! RUFIO! Watch LIKE A HUSS on youtube! Do it!**

**Equius: would you like to play MLP with me? Nepeta can come too. *holds up a**

**My Little Pony figurine***

**Nepeta: You are my patron troll! Will you be my roleplay friend too? Pwease?**

**:''3 make a catgirl happy!**

**,,,Lol I can't think of what I was gonna say to Fef...fuck.**

Author: first off...Eridan...PB wants to know if she can borrow your wand to train her friends for the demon apocalypse?

Eridan: hmmm lets see...*stroking chin, thinking*

NO.

Author: wow, rude. Next off...PB also wants you to call Cro and tell him she's sorry **(( assuming you're a she...Idk..sorry if i'm wrong!))** for setting his lawn on fire every two weeks, and that the Colonel made her do it.

Eridan: call?

Author: you know, like, call him on the phone?

Eridan: wwhat's a phone?

John: wow, Karkat, I thought you told me that troll technology was FAR SUPERIOR to human technology?

It appears this is false...

exhibit A.

Karkat: SHUT UP.

Author: anyways. you don't know what a phone is?

Eridan: no. and anywways, I can't contact Cro because, if you hadn't noticed, he's from a completely different portion of time.

Author: we're in the dreambubbles idiot. We'll just bring him in.

She exits the room and heads outside, then returns in a few minutes with Cronus in tow, staying as far away as possible from him but still holding onto his arm. She looks utterly disgusted.

Author: hurry up and say whatever you were dared to say. I'm not keeping him around for dares, he's going RIGHT BACK.

*turning to Cronus*

You disgust me.

Cronus: wvell then!

Eridan: hey Cro, I havve to tell you that Psychobitch is sorry for lightin your lawwn on fire every twwo wweeks, and that the supreme ruler of the human chicken restaurant made her do it.

Author: alright then. you're going home.

Cronus: wvait! vwhat are you ewvvwen doing?

**(( i'm sorry. I failed at Cronus' quirk.))**

Author: none of your business, go home! *she goes outside, and when she returns, wipes her hands clean*

Okaaaayy...oh yay! stuff for me!

**(( did I mention I love watching the stuff you guys send me? I do.))**

Author: *she watches the video*

what.

what did you just-

I can't even-

WHAT? o_O

okay. Next dare...

oh wait- *a portal opens and in flies a gallon of apple juice, which hits Dave in the head and he falls to the ground, his nose bleeding*

Dave: owwww... *he looks at what hit him*

I LOVE YOU GUYS.

Author: well, as long as you're okay, Dave.

He immediately chugs the gallon.

Another random portal opens, and a bucket flies in on top of Vriskas head. Immediately, nearly everyone flinches backwards. Her horn pokes a hole in the bucket.

Karkat: YOU GUYS ARE ALL SICK CREEPS.

Vriska: *tugging at the bucket* what is this thing? Get it off!

Sollux: uh...vk...you may not want two touch that.

Vriska: wh-...oh. *realizing it's a bucket*

fuck.

Sollux: yeah.

Eridan: *snicker*

Suddenly, a large portal opens up, and slenderman zooms in on a unicycle wearing a bucket on his head.

Karkat: THIS IS DISGUSTING, WHY DO YOU FIND THIS AMUSING TO WATCH? BUCKETS ARE NOT A LAUGHING MATTER.

Slenderman: HOW DO YA LIKE ME NOW BITCHES?!

Dave: *whispering, elbowing Vriska* he's talking to you.

Karkat: I DON'T KNOW WHO THE FUCK YOU ARE. YOU DON'T HAVE A FACE. ARE YOU FROM PROSPIT? YOU'RE WHITE.

**(( fuck. that sounded completely racist. I DIDN'T MEAN IT! D:))**

Slenderman: *he looks confused, the bucket is slightly lopsided on his head*

wait.

You mean this *motioning at his face* doesn't scare you?

Karkat: WHY WOULD IT SCARE ME? PLENTY OF PEOPLE DON'T HAVE FACES.

John: *just looks fucking disturbed and VERY confused*

Slenderman: uhhhhhhhh...*he slowly back peddles the unicycle out of the room and through the portal back to hell from whence he came*

Karkat: WHO WAS THAT DOUCHE?

Vriska: laaaaaaaame!

Kanaya: It Really Loses The Effect When You Have A Utensil Of Reproduction Resting Upon Your Head.

Vriska: oh shut up!

Eridan:That wwas just an alternate timeline wwhite queen in a tuxedo.

Dave: are you kidding me?

Millions of children around the world are being spooked by a queen of happy dreams in a tuxedo?

Boy, we'll have a tale to tell the boys back h- oh...right. *he looks down sadly*

Author: that was the most horrible situation I have ever gotten myself into... let's move onto something that isn't emotionally traumatizing.

Gamzee: AwW, tHaT mOtHeRfUcKeR sEeMeD sO cHiLl ThOuGh...

Author: too bad. NEXT!

-_- Rufioh isn't here. John, however, WILL be able to do this dare SINCE HE'S HERE.

John: do what?

The Author passes him the laptop and John cautiously puts the headphones on his head.

Everyone just sits there watching him as his expression becomes more and more disturbed.

John: who's Andrew Hussie?

Author: i'm not allowed to tell you.

Vriska: he looks like that guy. The one who tried to propose to me.

Tavros: tHE ONE WHO TRIED TO WHAT?

Vriska: some random guy in a dreambubble tried to propose to me.

Tavros: oH... *he looks around really awkwardly*

Author: okay... Equius.

Equius: *he looks up, surprised that he has something to do*

D-yes?

Author: she wonders if you'll play MLP with her? Nepeta can come too.

Nepeta: *Nepeta brightens slightly, though her eyes are still green with tears*

Equius: D- that depends...

D-can I be Rarity?

Author: okay then...the last one is for you Nepeta...will you be her roleplay buddy?

Nepeta: :33 of course! you can nevfur have too many roleplay fureinds!

Author: aww :D

Feferi, she had one for you but she can't remember it.

**(( why do I feel like Feferi never gets anything to do?))**

Feferi: o)(, t)(at's okay!

Author: okay then, the next list was submitted by jormungandrising

**Hi! ahahaha this is hilarious. I must contribute.**

**Eridan and Feferi: Switch outfits and impersonate each other for an entire**

**day.**

**Tavros: Punch Vriska. She kinda deserves it.**

**Everyone: name the hottest person in the room.**

**Broadway Karkat: Summon all of the broadway trolls. Annoy everyone, especially**

**Karkat and Sollux.**

**(( thank you! :D))**

Author: first off, Eridan and Feferi. Switch outfits and impersonate eachother for a day.

For a second, they both look at each other looking completely horrified.

Sollux: perfect! thii2 ii2 a WONDERFUL opportuniity for you two two bond!

Author: you begin carrying out the dare tomorrow. Prepare yourselves.

Next, Tavros, you've been dared to punch Vriska.

Tavros: *his eyes widen* w-wHAT?!

Vriska: alright. come on, do it.

Tavros: i'M NOT REALLY OKAY WITH THIS.

Author: do it anyways.

Tavros: *he gives her arm a weak punch, then quickly cowers down*

i-i'M SORRY!

Vriska: *rolls her eyes* that didn't even hurt Toreadum8ass.

Tavros: *he's crying into his arms* *sniff*

Vriska: oh my god.

Author: the next one is for Everyone. You all have to name the hottest person in the room.

There are sounds of protest from almost everyone.

Author: *shrug* that's what happens when you enter a ToD dreambubble...

Karkat: WH- YOU TELEPORTED US HERE AGAINST OUR WILL!

Author: entering, being teleported against your will, same difference. Go.

umm...you start Dave.

He responds almost as soon as she says "Dave".

Dave: John

John: O_O

Kanaya: Rose

Rose: Kanaya

Aradia: hmm...Sollux, I guess. But not in a weird way. That's just my opinion.

Sollux: ed. No competition.

Eridan: Sol.

Feferi: Sollux

Eridan: *glare*

Sollux: break iit up chiildren.

Eridan: *crosses his arms*

Nepeta: *still crying slightly* :33 k-karkitty! *sob*

Terezi: K4RK4T

Karkat: *mumbling slightly* TEREZI.

Gamzee: mOtHeRfUcKiNg TaVbRo.

Equius: *takes a swig of milk* *he cocks his head to the side slightly, does it taste funny? ...apparently not funny enough to stop drinking it*

Vriska: John.

John: *blush*

Jade: erm...Dave.

Dave: really?

Jade: :B yep.

Dave: *he turns away, blushing*

John: *he mumbles so it's barely audible* Dave... *blush*

John: I SAID IT AND YOU CAN'T MAKE ME SAY IT LOUDER!

But it just so happens that Dave is standing right behind him at that very moment. In a swift movement, he spins John around and kisses him on the mouth.

John: *blush* you have good hearing Dave...

They all stare at Tavros, Gamzee, and Equius, waiting for them to respond.

Suddenly, Equius falls to the ground off his chair.

Nepeta: :33 Equius! Oh my gosh!

Equius: D- iths okya...im okya.

Aradia: what's wrong with him? Why is he talking like that?...wait...ROSE!

Rose: *holds up bottle of alcohol*

Aradia: *facepalm*

John: wow Rose, that's really mischievous. I never really thought you'd ever do something like that!

Rose: it was a drae...

*dare

Author: nice...

Nepeta: *looking extremely concerned* :33 oh my gosh!

Equius: D- i new taht mlik tatsed funny.

Nepeta: :33 you put human sopurrifics in his drink?

John: oh come on! lighten up! this is comedy GOLD!

Rose: if ya need her to lihgten up, i cna hlep with taht.

**(( oh my god. THAT WAS A SPUR OF THE MOMENT THING. BRO'S, I WASN'T EVEN TRYING.))**

Kanaya: What I Can't Believe Is That Now We Have Three High People In The Same Room. Something Is Going To Go Horribly Wrong Here.

Author: Kanaya, that is the most intelligent thing you have ever said.

Kanaya: *sarcasm* Thanks, That Really Makes Me Feel Good.

Kanaya: Sorry, I'm Not Good At This Whole Sarcasm Thing.

Author: Tavros, Gamzee, Equius, we're still waiting on you.

There's an awkward moment of silence where everyone is just looking around, and finally Gamzee speaks up.

Gamzee: I dUnNo, bUt I tHiNk TaVbRo Is A pReTtY cHiLl BuNdLe Of MoThErFuCkInG mIrAcLeS.

Tavros blushes a shade of peanut butter brownish-orange.

Tavros: wELL,,, uH,,, i THINK THAT YOU'RE A CHILL BUNDLE OF MIRACLES TOO BUT-

Vriska cuts him off.

Vriska: this is the troll you've 8een saying you're red for?! Are you kidding me?

Tavros: ...nO.

Vriska: then who are you red for? You said you were red for someone.

Tavros: *he looks down at his feet, blushing now even brighter*

Nepeta: *her eyes widen and she smiles creepily. You can just hear her thinking: "OTP"*

Tavros: i DON'T HAVE TO ANSWER THAT...aND IT'S HARD TO TAKE YOU SERIOUSLY WHEN YOU'RE WEARING THAT ON YOUR HEAD.

Vriska: shut up!

Author: Tavros, you still technically have to say who you think is the hottest out of everyone.

Tavros: i DON'T WANT TO. i'M GOING TO DIE IF I DO.

Author: that's a risk you'll have to take Tavros.

Author: for my reviewers.

Author: Who am I kidding? You don't have a choice! SAY IT NOW.

Tavros: *he mumbles* vRISKA..

Vriska: wait what.

Author: okay then, Equius it's your turn!

Vriska: wait, what did he say?

Equius: D-wlle, i thnik we all no the asnwer to taht qeustion.

Aradia: ...0_0

Author: Okay then! Oh..oh my god. No. Just no. I am not having a whole other set of trolls in this house. That's too much. No.

Lets move on to the next review. This one comes from DoctorWaka

**Beautiful, just beautiful.**

**Anyways, dares :D**

**Dave: -gives 10 feet tall container of apple juice- GO WILD MY FRIEND.**

**Vriska: say something nice about everyone there, including the kids :3**

**Eridan: -gives a container of Faygo- here, present this as a gift to Gamzee.**

**Karkat: hug EVERYONE :D (including the author :3)**

**John: -gives a box of Betty Crocker cake mix and a hammer- there you go, my**

**friend c:**

**GOODBYE, MY FRIENDSSSS :D**

Author: D'AWWWW you guys are so NICE!

*she reads the first thing*

oh my god. Guys, you're going to give Dave diabetes.

Dave: what?

Suddenly, the doorbell rings.

Dave: *it slowly dawns on him that he has received even more apple juice, and he runs off, squealing.*

He returns in about 15 minutes and wipes the sticky apple liquid from his mouth.

Author: Umm, Vriska, wow you're getting a lot of attention today! (both from the reviewers and certain others) You have to say something nice about everyone, including the kids. :D

Vriska: whatever. *rolls eyes*

Karkat, you're a pretty awesome leader I guess.

Aradia, you're pretty good at revenge actually.

Tavros, you're not as much of a wiiiiiiiimp as I originally thought

Tavros: *blush*

Vriska: Sollux, you're gr8 with computers

Nepeta, you're fun to roleplay with sometimes

Kanaya, you did a really nice job on that dress

Kanaya: *rolls her eyes, looking irritated*

Vriska: Terezi, you've been dealing really well with 8eing 8lind

Terezi: *growl*

Vriska: Equius, this arm hasn't given me any trou8le at all

Equius looks spaced out.

Vriska: Gamzee, ...O_O

Eridan, you were an okay Kismesis...I guess

Feferi you're really nice.

John, you're the only one who ever really thought I was a nice person.

Rose, you're pretty smart

Dave, you're cool, or so i've heard

Jade...you're part dog?

Author: nice. Eridan-

*a faygo falls from a portal and hits Eridan in the head*

Eridan: oh cod eww!

Author: give it to Gamzee

Eridan: okay? here Gam. *he hands it to Gamzee, then runs off to wash his hands*

Gamzee: hOnK :O)

*takes a sip of redpop Faygo*

Within a few minutes, Eridan returns from the bathroom, his hands washed.

Author: okay, Karkat, hug EVERYONE. Including me! :D

Karkat: OH NO.

NO.

I WILL NOT HUG ANYONE.

…

OKAY MAYBE ONE PERSON, BUT YOU ARE NOT MAKING ME HUG *gag* JOHN.

Author: If i'm not making you hug everyone then what am I doing right now?

Karkat: THATS HORRIBLE LOGIC, BUT I GET YOUR POINT.

FINE THEN.

He walks up to Aradia and just hugs her stiffly. Nothing more to say.

Equius looks slightly upset at this.

He does the same thing for Tavros.

And then Sollux, though it comes a bit more easily.

He Hugs Nepeta, then says something quietly to her.

Karkat: HEY NEPETA, DON'T FEEL BAD. YOU'RE A REALLY NICE GIRL...I JUST DON'T THINK I REALLY FEEL THAT WAY ABOUT YOU. BUT YOU'RE WONDERFUL, AND I STILL WANT TO BE FRIENDS.

He hugs her once more kindly, then moves onto Kanaya, whom he hugs with as little emotion as he did Aradia.

He skips Terezi, because he wants the embrace he gives her to be special **(( or I do anyways))** and moves onto Vriska.

This hug is awkward for both of them, but they both seem pretty good natured about it. Karkat takes care to steer clear of the bucket on her head. **(( hey, remember when I shipped VrisKat? Those were DARK, DARK times yo...))**

When he reaches Equius, they just stare at eachother.

Karkat: THIS IS WHERE WE EMBRACE AS IF WE ARE BROS. THIS WILL BE THE ONLY TIME. IS THIS UNDERSTOOD?

Equius: *he gives him a drunken nod* **(( quiet smirk, drunken nod, where does this stuff COME from?! #insidejoke))**

Karkat gives him a stiff hug, and he can feel Equius sweating.

Karkat: I'M GOING TO BURN THIS SHIRT LATER.

He goes on, and when he reaches Gamzee, he seems to have a mental war with his conflicting emotions. His eyes begin to water, but he wipes the tears away and just gives Gamzee a stiff hug full of hatred.

When it's Eridans turn, he just stares, much like he did with Equius, then awkwardly hugs him and walks away, with an emotionless expression on his face.

He just gives Feferi a simple hug.

He stops at the Author, and reluctantly hugs her, but he doesn't know her all that well, so he doesn't have that much hate for her.

He then moves onto Rose, which is stiff hug, but not hateful and then Jade, whom he genuinely seems okay with hugging.

He looks from Dave to John, deciding which should be gotten over with first, then decides he hasn't forgiven John for the happenings of that morning yet and gives Dave yet another stiff hug.

He hesitates for quite a while before closing his eyes and giving him what just barely qualifies as a hug.

Karkat: AND NOW ANOTHER REASON FOR ME TO BURN THIS SHIRT.

And lastly, he walks over to Terezi. He gives her the most genuine, loving hug he has ever given someone. Terezi smiles brightly for the duration of the hug, and only when the Author clears her throat in an urging tone do they part.

Author: Guys, honestly, that was adorable, but we need to move on.

**(( andimrunningoutofwaystodescribetheperfectembraceth eysharedthisisn'teasyyouknow))**

Before any portals can open, the Author suddenly shouts at them all.

Author: EVERYBODY COVER YOUR HEADS.

Everyone covers their heads in confusion, ducking in fear.

A hammer and a box of Betty Crocker cake mix fall out of the sky, right where John was previously standing.

Author: these portals are really exact. One day, someone is going to get hurt.

Anyways, John, i'm assuming you get the gist of what the reviewer means for you to do?

John: *furiously smashes the box in, while everyone just stares at him*

Author:Nice Job! Ok,

Next review! This set is from I'mOnlyAsRealAsYouThink

**Ok, first, Homestuck Fandom is a lime-blooded troll with sort-of devil horns**

**and the Homestuck logo on his tshirt. Second, truths and dares:**

**Dave: I dare you to cause a paradox some point in the Alpha timeline.**

**Karkat: *gives a copy of troll!50 first dates* You had a poster for this movie**

**in your room, didnt you? Enjoy. :)**

**Eridan: I dare you to spend half an hour in a room with the fandom**

**reprisentation of yourself.**

**Everyone: How tired are you of being dragged into these truth-or-dare games?**

Just as the Author is reading the first thing, a portal opens and in walks Homestuck Fandom, looking around curiously.

Author: *finishes reading* Oh, i'm terribly sorry. There must have been some kind of problem with the portals. They do that sometimes, you know. Well, Hi anyways..uh...Homestuck Fandom.

Homestuck Fandom: *wave* *they don't really say anything, due to being overwhelmed by all the Homestuck characters being there*

Author: calm down, will ya? I've been hanging around them for about a week now, they're not THAT cool. Except Dave. And Eridan. ehehehe

Dave: *he looks pleased*

Eridan: *looks creeped out*

Author: well, now that that's settled, Dave, you need to cause a paradox in the Alpha timeline.

Dave: I don't think I should do that.

Author: you could destroy little Caaaaallllll!

Dave: *he stops for a moment, then gets this creepy grin and disappears in a flash of light*

Within seconds he has reappeared, looking satisfied.

Dave: alternate me's childhood will now be wonderful. I have done a good deed.

Another portal appears, and a movie drops in on Karkats head.

Karkat: BY THE TIME THIS IS ALL OVER, I'LL HAVE ENOUGH MOVIES TO START A FUCKING MOVIE THEATER.

Author: Eridan, you've been dared to spend half an hour in a room with the fandom representation of yourself. Or misrepresentation. Lets go with that.

Eridan: wwhats the big deal about that?

Author: I feel sorry for you Eridan *sympathetic look*

A portal opens, and in walks snobby, perverted Eridan.

Eridan: I don't see the difference.

Fandom!Eridan: oh HEY kar! *eyebrow wiggle* ...Vris, wwhy are you wwearin a BUCKET on your head?

Vriska: long story..

Fandom!Eridan: oh I see... **(( Emily, if you still read this..XD))**

Author: 0_0...he's going right back after this dare. STRAIGHT BACK TO THE UNDERWORLD.

Karkat: KEEP HIM AWAY FROM ME. ERIDAN, I NEVER THOUGHT I'D SAY THIS...BUT YOU'RE NOT ACTUALLY ALL THAT CREEPY.

Eridan: *Eridan has gone into a disgusted shock*

Author: karkat, wait until you meet the fandom representation of _you._

Fandom!Eridan: wwell, are wwe doin this or wwhat?

Eridan: don't let him take me! SOL HELP! NOOOOOOOOOO! *he's dragged away dramatically, while Sollux just sits there, sipping lemonade nonchalantly*

So the trolls waited and waited for the whole half an hour. Homestuck Fandom had taken the opportunity to draw the characters close up**.** Meanwhile...

**-In the closet, which has been** **locked from the outside-**

Fandom!Eridan: so, made any progress wwith KAR?! *eyebrow wiggle*

Eridan: eww no! wwhy are you so...ugh!

Fandom!Eridan: wwhat about Fef, did she take you back?!

Eridan: *his eyes start to water slightly* n-no...

Fandom!Eridan: so, are you wwith anyone?

Eridan: actually, yes, Sol and I are together noww! :D

Fandom!Eridan: oh my cod that sounds so hot.

Eridan: um, wwhat? Listen, wwhy are you so disgustin and emotionally attached I'vve nevver been like that!

Fandom!Eridan: explain wwhy you havve a closet full of buckets then.

Eridan: wwhat no I don't! is that howw people think I am?

Fandom!Eridan: a course! you're not?

Eridan: no! I mean, I havve no problem wwith the idea of reproduction, but thats just bein mature and not bein all grossed out about it. It's part a nature!

Fandom!Eridan: wwhatevver...tell me, in this timeline, does anythin unnatural happen to you in 3rd Perigee? **(( march))**

Eridan: no...wwhy?

Fandom!Eridan: nevvermind

Eridan: I can only imagine wwhat disgustin shit you get up to.

Fandom!Eridan: I'm you though, wwe're the same person.

Eridan: maybe by name, but I am not you. Sure, you get dumped by the one person wwho you thought liked you, you flirt a little in the other quadrants, you get a little messed up, but I wwas fuckin heartbroken! And I am not a wwhiny snivvelin freak like you!

The conversation continues on, but this is just kind of a vague summary of what they discussed. Hearing Eridan raise his voice, Sollux went to the closet to investigate.

Sollux: *creaks open the door*

ED?

Fandom!Eridan: so you're wwith him, eh?

Eridan: *blush* Sol, ignore him and get me outta here.

Sollux put his arm around Eridans shoulder and kissed his forehead, then grabbed Fandom!Eridan by the arm and dragged him off to the teleporter, then sent him back to the underworld...also known as the Homestuck Fandom.

They returned to the room where everyone was waiting.

Eridan: he wwas so creepy Sol!

Sollux: shoosh...shooooooooosssssshhh

Homestuck Fandom: *looking up from their drawing* I don't see what the big deal is. He seemed perfectly normal to me.

Eridan: O_O howw?

Homestuck Fandom opens their mouth to speak, but is cut off by the Author.

Author: in any case, good riddance. Now...the last question is, Everyone, how sick are you of being pulled into these Truth or Dares?

Karkat: VERY.

Aradia: 0_0

Tavros: uH,,,tHEY'RE OKAY..

Sollux: 2ame a2 kk

Nepeta: :33 I think that they're fun! So not that sick.

Kanaya: I Am Indifferent On The Matter, I Haven't Really Experienced The Worst, Whereas Karkat And Sollux Are Picked On Quite A Lot.

Terezi: ITS FUN TO W4TCH K4RKL3S 3MB4R4SS H1MS3LF!

Karkat: SHUT UP *he says this in a slightly sweet tone, then kisses her cheek*

Terezi: *giggle*

Vriska: they are soooo 8ooooooooring.

Equius: dshfdsjf;nladosfousdafjsdanlffvopkls*SPAZOUT*

Nepeta: :33 *pats him on the back, looking concerned*

Gamzee: tHeY'rE aLl Up AnD eXcItInG, bRo :O)

Eridan: ugh. howw can you ask me that after that torture? These are horrible!

Sollux: but 2ome good can come of them, at lea2t.

Eridan: wwell..yeah.

Feferi: I t)(ink th-Ey'r-E -EXCITING!

John: I'm not that sick of them, its annoying sometimes, and you guys are kinda mean to me..but I'm having fun so far!

Dave: I don't really know, you guys are pretty cool.

Jade: I'm not that sick of them!

Rose: thrtyere rlleally interenestgin

Author: okay, great, lets move on. The next one is from...Tsumi?

**Tsumi:Hi, everyone...I uhm...have some things for you...my apologies, I'm not**

**really...happy right now...**

**Gamzee: Have Faygo**

**Dave: Apple juice and a purple tutu with sequins**

**Feferi: A tank full of cuttlefish**

**For these, I would like uh...you three to film...Doc Scratch dancing to**

**Massara...Blue Jeans...I'm sorry. I...I n-need a...h-hug...I'm sorry! *cries**

**in the corner***

All the things Tsumi gave to the trolls fly in through the portals, and Gamzee, Dave, and Feferi all express their excitement and gratitude, but then another portal opens, and there is Tsumi, crying in the corner of a completely white room.

Everyone just kind of stares at eachother, until finally, the Author walks over and gives Tsumi a hug. Soon after Karkat joins the embrace, then Terezi,then Broadway Karkat, then Sollux, then Eridan. Then Dave, followed by John and Jade, then Rose and Kanaya, Tavros and Gamzee, Feferi and Aradia, Nepeta ( who finally managed to drag the drunken Equius over).

Until finally, the only one left is Vriska, (still wearing the bucket on her head) she hesitates for a moment, but finally joins in on the hug (which was VERY awkward for Kanaya, who was right next to her, therefore close to the bucket as well)

Eventually, they all stand up, and close the portal, leaving Tsumi just kind of stunned, as most of the cast of Homestuck basically just came into her small white room, hugged her, and left.

When they get back into the Authors house, Gamzee chugs the faygo, and Dave does the same with the apple juice, whereas Feferi strokes the cuttlefish lovingly.

Author: ummm well...lets move on...

Vriska: hey, hold on, how come this whole time, none of you have helped me with getting this off? You're humans, so it shouldn't mean anything to you!

**(( how does Vriska type the word "debate"? Oh my god. #random))**

John: oh, i'm sorry Vriska!

He waves Dave and Jade over (leaving out Rose because she's too drunk to help) and the Author joins them. They tug on the bucket until it comes off with one last satisfying heave.

Vriska: thanks John.

Jade: hey!

Vriska: oh yeah, and the rest of you *she massages her head*

Dave: wait, I have a question.

Why did Tsumi send me this tutu?

Author: *she shrugs and smirks* Ok, the next one is from rubycrackninja again

**Broadway Karkat ((If you're still around)): Wear a magnificent fake mustache**

**and have a tear-inducing duet about romcoms with Karkat!**

**Terezi: How was the date? :3**

**Dave: Let John wear your sunglasses for the day. :\**

**Gamzee: PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND**

**John: You are the true lord of the dance. SHOW US YOUR MOVES! *Throws roses***

Author: sorry, no singing dares!

Broadway Karkat: I AM STILL AROUND THOUGH.

Author: Terezi, they ask you how the date went?

Terezi: WOND3RFUL.

Author: Dave, let John wear your sunglasses for a day.

Dave: what? no way bro!

John: dave. give me the shades.

Dave: *he pulls off the shades, revealing yet another pair of shades underneath*

John: *takes the shades from him with caution, looking a bit weirded out*

dave, i'm so cool! *puts his hands on his hips*

Dave: no.

Author: Gamzee, paint with all the colors of the wind!

Gamzee: I'm NoT sUrE i CaN aLl Up AnD dO tHaT..

Author: please make sure your dares are physically possible.

John, you are the true lord of the dance...show us your moves?

John: I dare you guys to get weirder. Whatever. *shrug*

*he does his awesome dance from Bucket Full of Homestuck 2*

A portal opens and he is pelted with roses.

Rose: wyh are thre alrentate timeline mee's falling on top of Jhon?

**-I meant roses as in the flower. -_- -**

John: thanks!

Author: okay, the next one is from FireStorm8888

**HAHAHAHAHA *evil laughter* That was amazing! I love broadway Karkat so yea,**

**also author can you tell John that he can come with me next time *mumbles* Its**

**his downfall not mine... ANYWAY my Truths/Dares:**

**karkat: *gives brand new sickles* Strife with anyone, your choice**

**John: *gives box of epic pranks with sticky note on it that says* "use wisely"**

**Rose and gamzee: mix alcohol and faygo and then drink the newly made... drink?**

**Author: *hands 101 ways to hide a body* knowing this crew of people it is**

**possible someone will die, just incase.**

Broadway Karkat: THANK YOU!

Author: we all love you Broadway Karkat...except maybe Karkat.

John, you can come with her next time.

John: thanks!

Author: oh no, everyone EVACUATE!

They escape the room before a portal opens and drops in brand new sharp sickles, which rain from the heavens like...rain.

They re-enter the room.

Karkat: DON'T SEND ME POINTY THINGS!

Author: what he means to say is, YOU IDIOTS DON'T SEND POINTY THINGS!

Karkat: THATS WHAT I SAID.

Author: you forgot the idiot part. Anyways, strife with anyone you want, your choice.

Karkat: I CHOOSE TO STRIFE WITH NO ONE. WE'RE IN A DREAMBUBBLE, IF I ACCIDENTALLY KILL SOMEONE, THEY LEAVE FOREVER.

And in flies another box of ultimate pranks.

John: yay! more pranks! and yes, I will use them wisely.

Karkat: -_- YOU BETTER NOT USE ANY OF THAT SHIT ON ME AGAIN EGDERP OR I WILL GO FUCKING BESERK.

John: i'm not promising anything... *evil grin*

Author: Rose, Gamzee, Oh no...you guys! *sigh*

Rose, Gamzee, Mix Faygo and Alcohol and then drink it.

I DON'T UNDERSTAND THEY'RE ALREADY DRUNK ENOUGH!

*deep breaths*

Gamzee: *he shrugs and pours the Redpop Faygo Eridan gave him into Roses glass of Amaretto*

Rose looks at him, wondering which of them should go first.

Gamzee: *takes a sip, then collapses into the horn pile, giggling*

Rose: omg. i dnot think i shuld drink taht. but whatever. *drinks it and collapses next to him*

At this moment, 101 ways to Hide a Body flies in and hits the author in the head. Good thing it's a thin paperback.

**(( that reminds me, don't send heavy books either. *mutters*** _**dumbasses.**_**))**

Author: thanks, I'll need this if you ever decide to send SICKLES IN THE MAIL AGAIN!

*she sets it aside, and in a loopy, drunken daze, Gamzee sneaks up and takes it.*

Rose looks over, her eyelids heavy and laughs loudly.

Kanaya: *pats her on the back*

Equius sits down and joins her, and they all take turns drinking this doubly Wicked Elixir, and laughing as they flip through the book (which Gamzee holds upside down).

All the while, Nepeta, Kanaya, and Tavros all look very worried.

Author: *doesn't seem to notice, as she's too busy having a horrible headache* Okay... *she says weakly* Next review! This one is solely for Eridan, and it's from "Guest"

**:Eridan: draw a face on a potato and make it your friend**

Author: *hands Eridan ( who is having a feelings jam with Sollux on the couch, both of them upside-down and holding hands) a potato*

Eridan: wwhat is this for? *he sits up*

Author: and oh yeah. *she hands him a permanent marker as well* draw a face on it and make it your friend.

He sets to work drawing a face (thats actually pretty well drawn!) that has rounded glasses and four teeth sticking out of his mouth (which looks more like a smirk). He then adds two sets of horns to the top of the potato and holds it up to show Sollux, smiling goofily.

Sollux: hey, niice job.

Eridan: you're my BEST FRIEND human spud vvegetable! *he hugs the potato, trying to keep from cracking up*

Author: okay, next review guys. *she cracks a smile*

This one is from GrimdarkPrincess.

**Gamzee: I dare you to give this to Sollux *hands him a bottle of regular earth**

**honey***

**Eridan and Karkat: I dare you to have a two-hour long twerk-a-thon or a twerk**

**off**

**Dave: *begins to apologize, but realizes she isn't sorry* I dare you to kiss**

**Tavros...or spend an entire hour in a empty room tied up, nobody but lil cal**

**to keep you company.**

**Rose: I dare you to read Eridan's Fanfiction**

Just as the Author finishes reading the first one, a portal opens and in flies a bottle of Earth honey, which hits Gamzee in the back of the head. Gamzee, being EXTREMELY drunk, looks at the honey bottle curiously, then chugs it all.

Author: You were supposed to give that to SOOOOLLLLUUUUXXX! Bad Gam! *hits on head with newspaper*

Gamzee chucks it at Sollux, who looks at it and throws it in the trash within half a second in disgust.

Author: okaaaay? um...next dare...Eridan and Karkat, you've been dared to have a two-hour lon- HOLD UP SUGGESTIVE!

**(( that's just messed up bro))**

Author: Dave, you've been dared to either kiss Tavros, or spend an hour in an empty room, tied up, with only Lil Cal-

Dave stands up and kisses Tavros quickly on the cheek, then sits back down, crossing his arms stubbornly.

Dave: NO.

Author: I respect your decision greatly Dave. And anyways, Lil Cal is GONE.

Rose, you've been dared to read Eridans fanfiction?

Rose is still in a drunken daze.

Eridan: that other guy wwrites fanfiction? Are you kiddin me? I suppose it's all rated M then, huh? wwell, luckily, I _don't. _wwhat a wwaste a time! Only a complete loser wwould wwaste their life awway wwritin _fanfiction._ **(( ****due to another typo, I have decided that Dan Howell fanfics are called danfiction.))**

The Author looks slightly hurt.

Author: okay then, and now for the final review I'll be doing today! This one is from DSF yet again!

**Broadway Karkat: NO, PLEASE NO, I HAD ENOUGH OF THAT IN THATS HOW YOU KNOW. THAT WAS HORRIBLE.**

**My reaction: ...THAT IS LIKE MY FAVORITE SONG YOU FUCKING POOR EXCUSE FOR MUDBLOOD SHIT. I SING IT A LOT. EVEN WHEN THOSE ARLUND ME DON'T GET IT. *sniffs* WHY DO YOU HATE IIIIIIIIIITTTTTT *runs off crying***

**I AM SO SO SORRY FOR NPT REVIEWING SOONER I WAS AT A CAMP ALL WEEK LONG! *random fish flies through air and hits me* PERCY! WE CAN'T THROW DADDY'S FISH AROUND! THEY BELONG IN THE SEA! Excuse me, I have a Seaweed Brain to deal with...*grabs random chainsaw I have lying around*...No, my battleaxe will work better...ANYWAYS.**

**John: You want a ridiculous dare?! Wear this ridiculous slutty maid outfit until I say you can take it off. It's left over from this one RP I was in, where everyone was trying to get Karkat to wear it...**

**Author: I think the person meant the PERSONIFICATION of the Homestuck fandom. And could you call me Shazer instead? That's my real nickname. No joke.**

**BROADWAY KARKAT CANNOT READ BEYOND THIS POINT. IF HE DOES, A GIANT BOMB WILL EXPLODE IN HIS FACE, THEREFORE RENDERING HIM UNCONSCIOUS.**

**Everyone: Homestuck High or My Immortal? You have to read one.**

**Broadway Karkat: Step into this magical portal! You will be transported to a magical fun place, just for you! ((DO NOT TELL HIM, but he's going to the Dark Carnival, the most deadliest place on Earth, and he's the only person there! *maniacal laughter*))**

**Equius: You know what? Just take this old starfighter. I messed it up when I tried to fly it, so it's all yours now.**

**I was about to put something here, but I forgot.**

Author: alrighty then, this is long, so lets get to it! Oh no, Broadway Karkat, you upset her.

Broadway Karkat: ...SO?

Author: okay um..with that out of the way... **((I can actually sympathize with you DSF..or Shazer I guess.. I haven't updated for like, two weeks, and part of that was because of camp, so I totally understand.))**

John, you shouldn't have offended her, now you have to wear... hm...thats funny...whats with the portals?

The outfit suddenly flies in and gravitates towards John.

Author: ah, there we go!

John: *takes one look at it and scowls*

And I'm back to hating you... *he trudges off to put it on, and returns wearing the outfit and looking glum*

Author: i'm so sorry John.

Broadway Karkat reads the part about him not being allowed to read beyond that point.

Broadway Karkat: *from behind her* DAMN IT. *he walks away*

Author: I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU TO STOP DOING THAT!

Broadway Karkat: *avoiding eye contact*

Author: whatever, anyways... Everyone, Homestuck High or My Immortal? You have to read one... great, something to do in your spare time besides trying to kill eachother!

John: whats Homestuck?

Author: I can't tell you. The PO PO (otherwise known as Eliminator) is hunting me down.

I can't give them another reason to "arrest" me.

But anyways, you should all read one tonight.

Next up..oh!

A magical portal opens up. **((****or at least thats what it says here...))**

Author: Broadway Karkat, you're going to a magical fun place!

Broadway Karkat: OKAY? *he walks in, and it quickly closes in on him*

As this portal closes, another opens, and Shazer's starfighter falls out of the sky onto Equius' head, who just looks at it and then goes back to giggling.

Nepeta stands near the horn pile, patting him on the back.

Author: well, thats it for this Chapter!

There is a cheer from pretty much everyone in the room.

Author: LK, I'll fit yours in in the next chapter, i'm sorry, it just didn't fit well with the other dares. Thanks for all your reviews once again!

….

**-meanwhile, a Magical Portal closed in on Broadway Karkat, leaving him stranded in a brightly lit, but empty Carnival Grounds-**

**He took a tentative step, looking around. There was no one there but him.**

**Broadway Karkat: IS ANYONE HERE?**

**Broadway Karkat: UGH. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? THIS CARNIVAL IS CLOSED DOWN. THERES NO ONE HERE. *he grumpily mumbles to himself as he treads on. only the echo of his voice could be heard***

**He walked on. This whole place was illuminated by the colorful glow of Carousel lights, but it was pitch black outside. The air smelled like fair food. But there was something eerie about the place.**

**Suddenly, there was a lone honk in the distance. That of a bike horn. Just one.**

**Then there were two. Two honks in the distance, though not as far away. No, these honks were slightly louder.**

**Then there were three. Three shrill, piercing honks. They grew louder and louder, and echoed around him.**

**Off to his right, the carousel switched on, and began to spin around.**

**Broadway Karkat: OK. NOW THIS IS JUST FREAKY.**

**Then there were four honks, then five, then six! Each set louder than the other. The sound grew closer and closer.**

**Then it stopped, and slowly, carnival music began to play softly.**

**He had frozen in his tracks. He waited for a moment, and when he only heard carnival music, he began to tread on. The Carousel had ceased movement, and he could no longer here the honks.**

**Broadway Karkat: YOU'RE JUST IMAGINING THINGS KARKAT, NOTHING TO BE AFRAID OF, IT'S JUST YOUR MIND PLAYING TRICKS ON YOU. IT'S JUST A CARNIVAL. NOTHING TO BE AFRAID OF!**

**He felt himself sweating. To calm himself, he began to sing shakily to himself. His voice came out squeaky and afraid.**

**Broadway Karkat: sHES THE mAN THE ReBOUND HITCH AND MISS CONGENIALITY...**

**THis IS JUST THE TiP OF THE ICEberg THATS MY MENAGERIE...**

**But the honking started up again. Now he couldn't count the honking. It was happening all at once. Louder and louder it grew, closing in on him!**

**HONK.**

**HONK.**

**HONKHONKHONKHONKHONKHONKHONKHONKHONKHONKHONK honkhonkhonkHONKHONKHONKHONKhonkHONKHONKHONKHONK!**

**Broadway Karkat: FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK!**

**Broadway Karkat: OKAY.**

**PRETEND TIME IS OVER.**

**LETS NOT FOOL AROUND ANYMORE KARKAT, THERE ARE DEFINITELY NOISES.**

**honkhonkhonkhonkhonkhonkhonkHONKHONKHONKHONKHONKHO NKHONKHONKHONKHONKHONKHONKHONK!**

**He felt a chill go over his body. The noise was closing in. It was all he could hear now. He shut his eyes tight and held his hands over his ears, but the noise was too loud.**

**Broadway Karkat: THIS ISN'T FUNNY!**

**He tried singing again.**

**Broadway Karkat: I WANT TO BE IN honkHONKhonk A REAL ROMANCE, I WANT TO-**

**YOU'RE PESTERING DAVE honk STRIDER HE'S UPSET HE'S GOING OFF ABOUT YOU MURDERING honk HIS BEST FRIENDDDDDD!**

**MATESPRITSHIP honk I KNOW ABOUT MATESPRITSHIPPPP! honkhonkhonkHONK**

**SHUT UP!**

**He bolted away, trying desperately to find a place to hide, but the honking just followed him.**

**He pulled hard on the handle of a door, yanked it open, and locked it behind him.**

**He could still hear the muffled honking outside.**

**Suddenly, he heard a voice overhead coming from a loud speaker.**

**YOU CAN'T RUN AWAY FROM THE MOTHERHONKING DARK CARNIVAL BRO.**

**HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEH!**

**He slammed his head against a tall, thick funhouse mirror, and everything went black. The Honks still ringing in his ears.**


End file.
